Becoming Abe
10 posts 3,679 words
started 2021-02-22 14:51:05
A non fiction series of me trying to write about what it was like to become me.
Mirror
Until recently I immediately discounted all stories centering race. Whenever a headline with the subject appeared in my newsfeed I would instinctively shun the perspectives as coming from a person damaged in some other deeper way unaffixed to it, that race was being used yet again as a scapegoat.

In the...
H-1B
My dad's H-1B expired as I was about to enter my last year of middle school It wasn't all his fault, there was also mishandling on his employer's side. But at the end of the day the blame game didn't matter. Our family had to begin planning our move out...
Interstitial Time
Adults focused on their careers and long running projects know the feeling of returning to square zero. They know what it's like to work hard for some time all the while feeling like they're progressing until one day a blip makes them feel like they haven't progressed at all. In...
Funny Imaginations
That first evening after learning we had to move to Korea,  I sat in my room brooding, scheming scenarios that would allow me to stay in the states. I don't remember them all but they converged on me running away and living on my own.

My 12 year old imagination...
friends->filter( (f) => f.parents.approve() )
Asking another family to let me stay with them seemed insane. More so than living on my own as a soon-to-be teenager. I see now how much this had to do with my fear of rejection. If I were to go live on my own than nobody could reject me....
No Jab. Big Hook
The only friend I felt comfortable asking was Dan.  He was also the one who I felt the most shame to ask. 

Dan had been my first friend after moving to this new place called Middleville couple years back in 5th grade. But after I decided that I wanted to become...
The cool, strong, stoner, stud
When recalling my first visits to Dan's house, his older brother Kenny comes more vividly than Dan himself. 

The first thing I thought about Ken was that he seemed so big. He looked so strong, walked around like he owned the place, and swore basically every sentence. On our bus rides...
Caricature
"I heard you and Shook are gonna live together?"


"So you and Shook are gonna be roommates?" 


The questions I so embarrassingly anticipated finally came. I was especially scared to hear it from the most popular kids in our grade. I thought they would stop talking to me, but in fact nobody...
1st Lesson from living with the Shooks'
I still remember the first lesson I learned when I got to the Shooks'.

It wasn't that late, but it felt dark. Must've been overcast or something. The whole family was in the dining room. I heard Dan's mom jovial and high pitched, "Abe's here!" Then I heard Kenny's booming...
Crash
I can't remember how Noah and my mom and dad got to the airport. Who drove them? It's reasonable to think that Dan's mom drove us to the airport so that I could say goodbye from there. Reasonable to imagine my final goodbye was a teerful hug with my mom...