The Not Super Bowl

"What did you think of the Super Bowl?"

"I didn't watch a nanosecond of it."

"What?! Come on! It was a great game!"

"I have zero interest in football. In fact, if it were possible to have negative interest, I'd have that."

"But you missed out on all the commercials."

"You mean the commercials that you could readily see online before the game? What's the point of that? If I've already seen the commercial, then it loses total impact if I were to see it again during the game. The commercials have been bad for years anyway."

"What about the halftime show?" 

"Aside from Janet's tit and Shakira and J-Lo showing off their cooches and the occasional good performance, it's another waste of time."

"Yah, I agree on that one. Rihanna never did it for me."

"Especially not when she's preggers! All I had to do was read that headline and know that the performance would be gross."

"Don't let the lefties hear you say that. They are proclaiming it a win for women's rights and empowerment. But what's so gross about a woman being pregnant? It's natural."

"Reminds me of the last time I was at a strip club, and one of the dancers was probably six months pregnant. There were a couple of guys all over her. It's a fetish."

"She could still be hot even if she's pregnant."

"I have evolution on my side. Males are looking for fertility and suitability for offspring. If a woman is already pregnant, that should be an instant turn-off for any male aside from the one who impregnated her."

"Good thing you're not planning to get married or have kids."

"Yep, on that one, evolution is not on my side."