Brandon Wilson @therealbrandonwilson

Brandon Wilson last shared their writing Feel good fart
"You ever blast a fart and it feels great?"

"Well, most farts are pretty standard. I have had to hold it in when I'm in mixed company, and when I can finally let it out I have tremendous relief."

"I mean like true pleasure from the act of pushing out a fart."

"No,...
Brandon's Pantry
🍣 23 Sushis
🧇 22 Waffles
🥟 21 Dumplings
🍪 12 Cookies
🥚 28 Eggs
🍓 14 Strawberries
🥓 29 Bacons
🍺 22 Beers
🍫 22 Chocolate Bars
🥃 23 Whiskeys
☕️ 26 Coffees
🥩 19 Steaks
🍊 22 Tangerines
🍵 24 Teas
🍍 18 Pineapples
Collections

Feel good fart

"You ever blast a fart and it feels great?"

"Well, most farts are pretty standard. I have had to hold it in when I'm in mixed company, and when I can finally let it out I have tremendous relief."

"I mean like true pleasure from the act of pushing out a fart."

"No,...
☕️
2023-05-16 21:24:58

Bacon oil

Several years ago, I worked with a consultant who was born in Chile. English was not his first language, but he spoke English about as well as most native speakers. Every once in a while, though, he would say a word or phrase demonstrating a gap in his knowledge of...
☕️
2023-04-25 16:49:08

Close call

In high school, I was at my friend's one fall day. We could have been doing any number of activities: playing NBA Jam on the Sega Genesis, playing ping pong in his barn, playing croquet in his yard, or shooting hoops. I just remember that his mom served us some...
🍵
2023-04-08 15:23:55

Be smooth with the ladies

During freshman year of college (yes, I still say "freshman," and you're just going to have to live with it), I was at lunch sitting with a guy I met in Calculus class named Norm Beemer. Norm had a bowl haircut, moderate acne, and Coke-bottle glasses. 

I was lamenting to...
🍍
2023-03-24 16:58:06

Paycheck stories

It's Friday, and Mr. Friday would be most pleased. I was reminded of a few paycheck stories. 

Mr. Friday was good friends with one of the supervisors in the department. She let him get away with all kinds of shenanigans. He definitely would have banged her, and one time she...
☕️
2023-03-10 19:07:19

Them's the breaks

Do you owe a subscription to a service that is no longer working? One person's answer is Yes!

In January of 2023, Twitter rescinded the previously freely-available use of its API, which devastated third-party applications like Twitterific and Tweetbot. Without the API, these apps are dead in the water and unusable...
🥓
2023-03-03 21:56:26

Homeless people

If you're a homeless person, scrounging around and wondering where your next meal is coming from, one of your priorities is getting money, ostensibly to pay for meals. 

I see homeless people on the corner, usually at the entrance or exit of a freeway, with a sign describing their downtroddenness...
🥟
2023-02-26 18:12:59

Peanut butter and jelly

"Where's the toaster?"

"It's in the cabinet above the microwave."

"Perfect. Just need to make my morning toast."

"You call that toast? It's a full-blown sandwich. Actually, what do you call it?"

"Peanut butter and jelly."

"What?! That's not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

"Why not?" It's crunchy peanut butter and strawberry jam."

"That's not the...
🥓
2023-02-25 15:33:31

The Not Super Bowl

"What did you think of the Super Bowl?"

"I didn't watch a nanosecond of it."

"What?! Come on! It was a great game!"

"I have zero interest in football. In fact, if it were possible to have negative interest, I'd have that."

"But you missed out on all the commercials."

"You mean the commercials that...
🍓
2023-02-13 16:51:08

So much for Google

Everyone is already predicting that Google will be knocked off its longstanding perch as the King of Search now that AI language processing has matured to the point that ChatGPT can tell you almost anything.

Microsoft was the first to throw down the gauntlet by partnering with OpenAI to incorporate...
🥟
2023-02-09 13:45:55