I'm trying to count the number of bodily functions that one can actively do simultaneously.
Take, for example, you can sneeze, by itself. You can cough, by itself. Then there's the sneeze-cough combination, which can occur at the same time much to the chagrin of the people who are sitting around the person who does a sneeze-cough. So that's two right there.
You can certainly fart at the same time as sneezing and coughing. So that would be three. I've heard some reports that women, particularly older women above a certain age when they sneeze, they pee. This may or may not be related to a history of childbirth. So it's certainly possible to also urinate during that same moment. So now you've got sneeze, cough, fart, and urinate.
And everybody knows that any fart has the potential, however small or large, of pushing out feces, which by definition would be defecating. So you can add that to the list too as another possibility. We are now imagining some poor soul who is sneezing, coughing, farting, urinating, and defecating all at the same time.
Now, it's not a stretch of the imagination to think that whatever this person is experiencing, whatever maladies and health issues and toxicities, whatever kicked off that chain of events that's all happening simultaneously would most likely also lead to vomiting. So let's add number six to the list--vomiting, in addition to the sneeze-cough, farting, urinating and defecating.
Now I don't want to make light of this situation. Clearly, someone who is in the throes of all these bodily functions simultaneously is most likely on death's door. If you are out and about and you encounter someone who is sneezing, coughing, farting, urinating, defecating, and vomiting, I would suggest you immediately dial 9-1-1, and after that, you probably need to head for the hills. Because whatever that person was exposed to is probably near your vicinity if you are within eyesight of that person. So you do want to help. Make sure that person can get professional medical assistance, probably an ambulance, and maybe even last rites. But you also have to look out for #1.
You do not want to be the person who has a sneeze-cough with a little dribble of pee and a wet fart along with throwing up and suddenly you get startled and get the hiccups!
This was written to be performed as the latest episode of The Brandonian Doctrine.
Take, for example, you can sneeze, by itself. You can cough, by itself. Then there's the sneeze-cough combination, which can occur at the same time much to the chagrin of the people who are sitting around the person who does a sneeze-cough. So that's two right there.
You can certainly fart at the same time as sneezing and coughing. So that would be three. I've heard some reports that women, particularly older women above a certain age when they sneeze, they pee. This may or may not be related to a history of childbirth. So it's certainly possible to also urinate during that same moment. So now you've got sneeze, cough, fart, and urinate.
And everybody knows that any fart has the potential, however small or large, of pushing out feces, which by definition would be defecating. So you can add that to the list too as another possibility. We are now imagining some poor soul who is sneezing, coughing, farting, urinating, and defecating all at the same time.
Now, it's not a stretch of the imagination to think that whatever this person is experiencing, whatever maladies and health issues and toxicities, whatever kicked off that chain of events that's all happening simultaneously would most likely also lead to vomiting. So let's add number six to the list--vomiting, in addition to the sneeze-cough, farting, urinating and defecating.
Now I don't want to make light of this situation. Clearly, someone who is in the throes of all these bodily functions simultaneously is most likely on death's door. If you are out and about and you encounter someone who is sneezing, coughing, farting, urinating, defecating, and vomiting, I would suggest you immediately dial 9-1-1, and after that, you probably need to head for the hills. Because whatever that person was exposed to is probably near your vicinity if you are within eyesight of that person. So you do want to help. Make sure that person can get professional medical assistance, probably an ambulance, and maybe even last rites. But you also have to look out for #1.
You do not want to be the person who has a sneeze-cough with a little dribble of pee and a wet fart along with throwing up and suddenly you get startled and get the hiccups!
This was written to be performed as the latest episode of The Brandonian Doctrine.