Walking towards change with self knowledge

Anytime I had wanted change of any kind, I would be more focused on the outside world.
I am slowing realizing that no matter the change I want to experience within the confines of my space, it will always begin with me.
Writing this in clear words is quite hard for me now but I am attempting anyway.
I have realized I lack a significant amount of awareness of self and do not necessarily understand myself wholly.
I guess that mostly stems from being  a deep-feeler - so it is hard to step out of my emotions and see things for what they truly are.
It has stalled my growth in many ways because I am mostly unable to assess situations for what they truly are but rather from what I feel.
Emotions are not entirely accurate depictions of reality and it has taken me awhile to come to this understanding.
I do not think I fully even grasp this very well but I am happy that at least I know now.
Getting stuck in the things I feel is torturous. Moving through life feeling so much is a punishment sometimes.
I want things to change for me and that will begin with understanding myself more and how I interact with the outside world.

Maybe, I need to gather data to understand my patterns better. I am not sure how to start doing this in a consistent way.
I have tried many times and failed to keep up. I wonder what the best approach will be in learning to understand your patterns and using that knowledge to be better and grow.
I wonder but I wont stop trying.

We are very alike Sheila. I am a deep feeler as well! It means that things take longer to heal and accept for us. I have wasted a lot of time on things that seem so trivial now. It was tough then but it gets easier. I totally agree that understanding self is a great idea for compounding reasons. The diaries are a great idea.... even to examine things that have happened in the past. I keep a folder called retrospective in my google drive. I write about lessons learnt from business ventures. I think doing something like that about personal experiences may not be a bad idea. 
2021-09-08 17:06:46