I'm currently feeling some unusual emotions, and I want to explore them more in writing. I woke up early yesterday to catch a plane to Marseille. I hold dear this city as I've been living here in the past two years or so, and moreover for having made this move with my girlfriend at that time. As soon as I walked out of the airport, the air that filled my lungs felt different, cleaner, and with a faint scent of the sea. I took the bus that connects the airport to the city. During the entire hour-long ride, I looked over the window. The south-of-France landscape and sky change very little across seasons. The vegetation remains green, the sky a spotless blue. And it's not even cold, I thought and took off my jacket. Even if I don't like to admit it, the weather affects my mood. The shuttle destination was Marseille Saint Charles, the central train station. When I walked inside, I saw a woman with a staggering resemblance to Caroline, my ex. My heart rushed a few heartbeats then it cooled off. It wasn't her, but this was enough to bring back a memory from 3 months ago when we said goodbye to each other. That day she insisted on coming and helping me with my luggage, and so once we arrived, we waited another hour together, knowing that we had broken up and that was the end of our story. It is the past. It is the past; It is the past. I repeated this to myself three times, like a mantra, and walked out of the station.
I headed to a coffee In the neighborhood where I used to live. It's just around the corner, two blocks away from where my ex still lives. On my way there, I passed in front of the building to see if my name was still on the interphone, and it still was. Since we separated, we went cold-turkey, no talking, no messaging. It was a clear cut that severed the emotional bond we had. Love, I asked myself so many times if she really loved me, and I didn't care. I did love her, and maybe I still do. I asked for a double espresso and a glass of water. The coffee was fabulous, oh how I missed it, and now, while I was sipping, I was contemplating moving back only for the coffee. I wrote her a message, "Hey, I'm in town for a week; let me know if you want to meet."
The exchange went something like this:
- Yes, let's meet tomorrow. Are you happy to be back?
- No
- Why did you come?
- I have a couple of things on my agenda.
- I'm afraid it will make me feel said to see you, I am already sad.
- Well, don't come if you don't want
- No, I will
- See you tomorrow
After that, I went to the office where I used to rent an office, it's a small tech community, and we all know each other. People are cool, so I kinda missed that vibe. I spent the entire afternoon till late evening working there and after that, I went to this friend of mine who's hosting me this week. We cooked some pasta and talked all night.
I headed to a coffee In the neighborhood where I used to live. It's just around the corner, two blocks away from where my ex still lives. On my way there, I passed in front of the building to see if my name was still on the interphone, and it still was. Since we separated, we went cold-turkey, no talking, no messaging. It was a clear cut that severed the emotional bond we had. Love, I asked myself so many times if she really loved me, and I didn't care. I did love her, and maybe I still do. I asked for a double espresso and a glass of water. The coffee was fabulous, oh how I missed it, and now, while I was sipping, I was contemplating moving back only for the coffee. I wrote her a message, "Hey, I'm in town for a week; let me know if you want to meet."
The exchange went something like this:
- Yes, let's meet tomorrow. Are you happy to be back?
- No
- Why did you come?
- I have a couple of things on my agenda.
- I'm afraid it will make me feel said to see you, I am already sad.
- Well, don't come if you don't want
- No, I will
- See you tomorrow
After that, I went to the office where I used to rent an office, it's a small tech community, and we all know each other. People are cool, so I kinda missed that vibe. I spent the entire afternoon till late evening working there and after that, I went to this friend of mine who's hosting me this week. We cooked some pasta and talked all night.
i cherish the feelings of arriving at an airport and that first drive to wherever I may be lodging.
it provides a completely different space to think and feel.