'Doctoraa? Engineeraa?' That dreaded question is the only memory I have from all those visits to friends and families. You mumbled something, hoping there wouldn't be any further interrogation, and quickly ran out of the house to play with friends. 'Very shy fellow!" you can hear one of the uncles chuckles before returning to holding court on the topic of reservations and how it is ruining opportunities for the more deserving upper-caste Indian students.
Growing up in a middle-class Hindu family, I found it hard to reconcile the common advice that hard work and education are the keys to unlocking opportunities with the belief that one's fate is preordained by karma. What gives me the audacity to think I can change it if karma decides fate? I suppose knowing that your destiny is predetermined frees you up to take more chances or the confidence to pursue a path guaranteed by a fortuitous alignment of stars?
I came home from school one day to my mother on the divan. I could tell something was wrong. By now, I have become quite the expert on Indian-mom body language. I could hear her sobbing. Hearing me enter the living room, she slowly turned around and looked at me for a full minute. A thick line of kohl ran down her cheeks. She must have been crying for a while.
"Amma, what happened? Why are you upset?"
She sat up and told me to sit down, pointing to the matching chair next to the diwan.
"Prabhu, I got your jathakam from the Jyotish this morning."
[Amma - mother in Telugu language, Jathakam - Horoscope/Astrological Chart, Jyotish - Astrologer]
I ask her, "What does it say?"
"oh, nothing serious. Jyotish told me why you got sick frequently as a child but will have a long life and a very successful career as an engineer."
"You should be happy, then why are you upset?" -- I ask her.
She sighed and said, "The astrologer said your education and career will take you far away from me to distant lands."
It didn't take a Jyotish to tell her that. Anyone else with half a brain would have figured that out, for that matter. The only path to prosperity for a middle-class kid growing up in 1990s India was securing a spot in the coveted Indian Institutes of Technology or IITs or a handful of other established Engineering Colleges sprinkled throughout the country. Many of these institutions were hours away from home, so it was inevitable that I would be leaving home soon. It was just a matter of time.
Mom knew that too, which made me wonder that there was more to it. I get up from the chair, sit down by her side and tightly hug her.
"Is that all? Is that what upset you? You know that I will go away for studies. You are not telling me everything. What is it?"
But she wouldn't say what that was, and I didn't push her any further.
I came home from school one day to my mother on the divan. I could tell something was wrong. By now, I have become quite the expert on Indian-mom body language. I could hear her sobbing. Hearing me enter the living room, she slowly turned around and looked at me for a full minute. A thick line of kohl ran down her cheeks. She must have been crying for a while.
"Amma, what happened? Why are you upset?"
She sat up and told me to sit down, pointing to the matching chair next to the diwan.
"Prabhu, I got your jathakam from the Jyotish this morning."
[Amma - mother in Telugu language, Jathakam - Horoscope/Astrological Chart, Jyotish - Astrologer]
I ask her, "What does it say?"
"oh, nothing serious. Jyotish told me why you got sick frequently as a child but will have a long life and a very successful career as an engineer."
"You should be happy, then why are you upset?" -- I ask her.
She sighed and said, "The astrologer said your education and career will take you far away from me to distant lands."
It didn't take a Jyotish to tell her that. Anyone else with half a brain would have figured that out, for that matter. The only path to prosperity for a middle-class kid growing up in 1990s India was securing a spot in the coveted Indian Institutes of Technology or IITs or a handful of other established Engineering Colleges sprinkled throughout the country. Many of these institutions were hours away from home, so it was inevitable that I would be leaving home soon. It was just a matter of time.
Mom knew that too, which made me wonder that there was more to it. I get up from the chair, sit down by her side and tightly hug her.
"Is that all? Is that what upset you? You know that I will go away for studies. You are not telling me everything. What is it?"
But she wouldn't say what that was, and I didn't push her any further.