Never go to an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day

I'm not Irish, so I don't have a vested interest in celebrating St. Patrick's Day. I've had my share of green beer and Guinness, but all that is a young person's game.

Aside 1 - Back when we used to work in offices, on St. Patrick's Day if someone asked me if I was wearing green, my reply was "Does gangrene count?"

Aside 2 - Mrs. Doubtfire: "He was quite fond of the drink. It was the drink that killed him." Miranda: "How awful. He was an alcoholic?" Mrs. Doubtfire: "No. He was hit by a Guinness truck."

After years of experience, I have learned never to go to an Irish bar or pub on St. Patrick's Day. The first clue is the countdown timer every Irish pub has that indicates how long until the next St. Patrick's Day. Any other day of the year, it's just a regular bar. On St. Patrick's Day, it's a madhouse.

First off, many Irish bars have a cover charge on March 17th. Whether it's a bar, strip club, private event, etc., if there is a charge just to walk in the door, I'm out.

Second, the prices on food and drinks are jacked up. Just as restauranteurs like to take advantage of couples celebrating Valentine's Day, publicans raise prices or add surcharges to take advantage of increased patrons on St. Patrick's Day. Nine dollars for a beer!? What do they think this is a sporting event?

Third, Irish bars are PACKED on St. Patrick's Day. You can't get the attention of a server or bartender for the life of you. In fact, you might as well order your next beer when you receive your first beer because that's how long it will take to arrive. I don't know how packed the bars will be this year with COVID rules still in play, but that's another reason to just stay home. Have a bowl of Lucky Charms. Make some corned beef and cabbage or shepherd's pie. Listen to some U2. It is Sleep Awareness Week after all, and alcohol is a major disrupter of sleep, especially REM sleep. Sweet dreams!

As you might have guessed, this is the topic of the latest episode of The Brandonian Doctrine.

I was never a fan of going out on St. Patricks Day.  Another reason is it's typically in the middle of the week and who has time for that?  I dig the alternatives you listed, especially the listening of U2.
2021-03-18 00:56:12