I never was jealous of an artist making it. Initially I saw this as a sign that I was a true artist. Now I think the opposite. 
 
A true artist hates to see another artist gain recognition while they remain in the shadows. My complacency with remaining in the dark showed that I was never in the game after all. 

I was always around the game though. I guess being around long enough made me think that I was a player. it's not so clear in art you see, because there isn't an obvious court or field. No obvious bench or stands. So if you're reading this then my tip to you to figure out whether you're a player of the game or simply involved in another way is to figure out how jealous you get of the other players.

Just because you're not a player doesn't mean you're a spectator. There's a lot of roles in fact. Like coaches and trainers, analysts and announcers. I'd most accurately be described as an analyst. Although i do like to play the coach role from time to time. But you don't get to pick that job, it kind of just falls in your lap. But boy when it does, when an artist looks to you for your actual insight it feels special. 

I was always analyzing 

John Zabka

from afar. Even before my first published article mentioned him I had spent many afternoons thinking about his work and had written up a lot of content featuring John with no intention of publishing it. If he were to know just how much energy I spent on him he would most likely want to keep me at bay for it was an unusual amount. 

Luckily, I didn't need to hide just how much I thought about him, because he was one of those guys who kept busy and minded his own business. Not because he was scared to shake anything up or wanted to be liked by others. In fact the opposite. He just didn't have time to give a shit about what you or I thought. He had some amount of hours in a day and he wasn't willing to use any of them on the usual drivel. I think whether we're artists or not we can learn a lot from that. But who am I to say anything? I'm just a writer.