I have been thinking... well as I always have :).
I have always thought I knew adequately what being kind meant in actions but I am slowly realizing a big shortfall in my understanding.
Definition of kindness;
I have always thought I knew adequately what being kind meant in actions but I am slowly realizing a big shortfall in my understanding.
Definition of kindness;
/ˈkʌɪn(d)nəs/
noun
the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
Firstly, I do not think I am the most friendly person. I don't like people 50% of the time.
Generous? Yes, I think so. I will give you what you need if I can make room for it and not expect anything in return.
Considerate? I highly doubt this even though I know I try sometimes.
Being considerate is hard for me. I may tell you I understand the reasoning behind an unintended action of yours that may have caused me a discomfort. In that same voice, I may still resent you (most often this is not communicated).
I am not sure why exactly these revelations are suddenly coming to me.
However, I recognize I may be unintentionally paying careful attention to my thoughts and actions now more than I have ever done (perks of being alone). This is bringing to bear some truths about how I function that is very uncomfortable to sit with but necessary.
I am known by most of my friends as a kind, loving and generous person. When I think about, I see what makes them think so of me. I get it but I know I do not merit these after careful evaluation of my motives and thoughts.
I want to learn the act of selflessness.
I believe every value worth embodying underpins selflessness.
The ability to step out of yourself to truly see and show up for another without an expectation of a reward.
The catch here is, I also have to learn to not tie my value to the response of others when I do something for them.
The word for me for the days ahead is .
"Assess your motives and intentions and only move with them if they are pure and true."
the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
Firstly, I do not think I am the most friendly person. I don't like people 50% of the time.
Generous? Yes, I think so. I will give you what you need if I can make room for it and not expect anything in return.
Considerate? I highly doubt this even though I know I try sometimes.
Being considerate is hard for me. I may tell you I understand the reasoning behind an unintended action of yours that may have caused me a discomfort. In that same voice, I may still resent you (most often this is not communicated).
I am not sure why exactly these revelations are suddenly coming to me.
However, I recognize I may be unintentionally paying careful attention to my thoughts and actions now more than I have ever done (perks of being alone). This is bringing to bear some truths about how I function that is very uncomfortable to sit with but necessary.
I am known by most of my friends as a kind, loving and generous person. When I think about, I see what makes them think so of me. I get it but I know I do not merit these after careful evaluation of my motives and thoughts.
I want to learn the act of selflessness.
I believe every value worth embodying underpins selflessness.
The ability to step out of yourself to truly see and show up for another without an expectation of a reward.
The catch here is, I also have to learn to not tie my value to the response of others when I do something for them.
The word for me for the days ahead is .
"Assess your motives and intentions and only move with them if they are pure and true."
I am known by most of my friends as a kind, loving and generous person. When I think about, I see what makes them think so of me. I get it but I know I do not merit these after careful evaluation of my motives and thoughts.
I may tell you I understand the reasoning behind an unintended action of yours that may have caused me a discomfort. In that same voice, I may still resent you (most often this is not communicated).
In their case I always tell them that they are imprisoned to what others think about them. This makes them act in ways to elicit responses/feedback from people that may feel good in the moment but that leads to certain untruthful actions/behaviors. Eventually the maintenance of some of these just becomes too burdensome and they show up as these kind of actions that you listed above. Unexpressed resentment...
I wonder in your case... do you feel that you are imprisoned to what people think of you? How they see you?
Do your actions feel less in honor of Sheila and her purpose and more in the purpose of a constructed image of Sheila?
I think I would quickly say yes. I spend a good amount of time thinking about what people perceive of me - especially at the work place.
I find that necessary to be able to do my job well taking into consideration the context I work in but I guess I just sink in it too deep sometimes.
Do your actions feel less in honor of Sheila and her purpose and more in the purpose of a constructed image of Sheila?
Lately, my actions are gearing towards what I want as a person now and less towards a constructed image of self.
Of course, I have an idea of the kind of person I want to be in the future even as I try to be myself now. I want to be better. I try to be mindful of my actions now that will lead me to that place I see in my head.