My friend's death brought together so many people in just our small town community that he had fostered in his short time here. It was a gathering of people grateful to have known him. I can't even guess how big the gathering in New York is for him.

Someone said that this is the kind of thing they wanted after their death. To that I said that such a thing was not cheap. My friend Oscar had to put in so much work, often times sacrificing his health to get this kind of memorial response. I don't think people understand how big that sacrifice is. 

These days I know that I'm like my friend who remarked about wanting such a reaction after my death, but I know I want something more. And so I gotta sacrifice the kind of role I'd always played in my life. I saw myself in Oscar, the way he connected people in everyday ways. Meals, parties, making you feel like you fit in during a night out to the bars when you were with a group of people you'd never met. 

As I get older the sacrifices become harder, but easier to decide on. I'm challenged by the first and grateful for the last.