I originally began this with the phrase in the old days, but this wasn't long ago time-wise. Instead I should use:

I didn't know the value of respect. And when someone doesn't know something so deep and systemic, it's always the case that they don't know that they do not know.

My ignorance of this deep truth led to many observable effects on the surface of my life. But in this post I'll only touch on how it caused me to not make decisions.

I would let days pass without making real decisions. I would fill my morning and afternoon with fake decisions. How to have my

coffee

. Which social media I should check first. What I should have for lunch. What joke I would text out into my group chat.

These weren't real decisions because they were detached from my becoming. Who was I becoming? My soul knew who that was, and my brain was just beginning to learn. But my life was lagging behind. The decisions and habits were still of an old Abe.

An Abe who didn't respect himself. Because this was an Abe who didn't know what respect is. And when you do not understand or know 

Respect

 you cannot give it.