For the first time since that chance entry into that
bookstore
years ago, she felt alive for the first time
today
.
She wanted to wear something, deliberately, when going to the store. And all she wanted to do was go to the store. It was not a chore... something she had to do. There was nothing else she wanted to do at that moment. It's not like she thought there was nothing else better that she could be doing at that moment.
Rather it was that she knew this was the only thing she could do at this moment.
People trick themselves into thinking there are many things they can do given a moment. Given a
desire
.
However in that moment she didn't give a thought to what-ifs. There was no thought. No thinking. She just went. And was.
At the store she bought a pair of
leggings
that were soft and well reinforced at the crotch so that she wouldn't get a hole there. They were warm enough to wear on winter walks, but not too thick that she wouldn't be able to wear them in anytime other than the most humid days of summer.
She was using a
gift card
given to her by her ex boyfriend, which still had just over 30 dollars left on it. The leggings cost just over that amount, so she was expecting to pay about a dollar or two of her own money. But at the checkout she discovered that the leggings were on sale. She still had 21 cents on the gift card.
Damn, she thought. She had been trying to get rid of it. Now she was stuck with this straggler. She walked out of the store holding her leggings in one hand, and the gift card in the other. She passed by the play area where two mothers were discussing the best way to get their kids to fall asleep. They were speaking fervently. They must be friends.
After turning the corner where there was the pretzel shop. The gift card was still in her hand. The smell of the cinnamon lifted her feelings, and then few steps later she threw the gift card into the trash, and walked towards the exit where her car was parked.
