Ping Pong Sex

"I saw you playing last night, but you were caught up in ranked games so I couldn't send you a challenge."

"I was in the zone last night."

"Me too. May I suggest The Killers Essential playlist as a backdrop for playing? I had that going last night."

"I'll have to check it out."

"Last night I had some great, evenly matched games. It's like I was having ping pong sex. Except it lasted much longer and there were multiple orgasms."

"Were you playing against chicks?"

"I have no earthly idea. Gender dissolves away when playing. All I see is the cat or the luchador mask avatar. Speaking of gender dissolving, I'm sure you were in cut-dick mode last night."

"That still cracks me up that you coined that. How do you come up with this stuff?"

"Remember we used to play cutthroat cricket? I always liked that mode compared to regular cricket. Hit extra numbers that are still open and heap points onto opponents. I suppose it doesn't really matter with two people playing, but it makes a huge difference if there are three or more people going at it."

"Yah, that was great."

"So it was a play on a winner-take-all approach of being cutthroat. It would seem that having one's throat cut is the ultimate high-stakes outcome, but I will claim having one's dick cut off is an equally high-stakes outcome."

"And that's how you think I play?"

"I saw it with my own two eyes! You get so riled up in those ranked matches that you enter cut-dick mode. You are playing as if the loser of the game must become a fully transitioned transexual woman."

"So you assume all my opponents are male."

"Yes, and I assume you are male. Quite frankly, I've never actually seen proof. Always just assumed."

"Ha! I bet you get riled up in ranked matches too."

"Yes, but I try to avoid that. I prefer gentleman's games. After all, I get on to have fun and get some exercise, not raise my blood pressure. The problem is I send a lot of requests and wait forever in the non-ranked lobby. I get impatient and just head into ranked games. Problem is it keeps matching me with people who are like 1800-1900."

"Those would be great. I'm over 2100 now."

"That's crazy. See, cut-dick mode. I go between high 1600's and low 1700's. I lost a crucial match the other night because my battery went dead right in the middle of a match I was winning."

"Even with that battery head strap?"

"I didn't realize how long I was playing but I learned a lesson. I'm going to start playing without the head strap plugged in. When I get the message that battery is low, then I'll plug it in so I have more juice."
 
"I may have to get that head strap because I get into marathon sessions sometimes although it's probably healthier to have a natural stop."

"You mean like an LCD screen as a stop for your controller when you swing past the guardian?"

"Don't remind me."