Victoria stared at her body in the mirror as she put on a new outfit she’d purchased last week. When she sucked her belly in she looked okay she thought, but standing normally without trying to alter her appearance, her belly fat leaked over the top of her black jeans a reminder of age and motherhood. With a child to raise, studying for nursing school, and long shifts at the diner, she just didn’t have time to exercise and worry about how she looked, but every once in awhile she would take in a long look at her body and wonder what she’d look like if she never had a child. And wonder what her life could have been if there were just time.
Her coworker, Charlotte would be over soon. They were planning on going out with other people from the diner that night. Her coworkers would usually go out together on a weekly basis, but Victoria had yet to join them. But after weeks and months of nagging from Charlotte she was finally convinced. Her older sister, Melissa had agreed to watch Cameron for the night. She seemed very eager to help babysit him, but Victoria knew she was doing it more for Victoria than him. Melissa was always pushing Victoria to date again and find a “rich man”, but Victoria always shrugged her off. In truth it would be nice to have a person to care for her and desire her, but she had pretty much resigned to the fact that she would be a single mother for the rest of her life. Maybe after Cameron had graduated and when she had a worthwhile career there’d be time for that, but for now, no. Also, she had lost some confidence and wasn’t sure men desired her anymore. There were always younger prettier girls like Charlotte and she wasn’t even all that fun anymore. She hardly ever smiled these days and the constant stress she faced left her with a wrinkled forehead and furrowed brow. She wished she was more approachable or had the charisma of her sister, but it just took her a lot of effort for her to meet someone and allow them to see the unguarded version of herself.
Victoria heard a knock on her door. Charlotte was here.
“Wow Victoria you look amazing”. Charlotte said as she entered the apartment.
“Oh stop, I look terrible. This outfit looks so stupid on me.”
“You look hot. And you’re so fit. How do you even have time to workout.”
“Charlotte stop. You’re just flattering me now.”
“Whatever. You know you’re hot. I can’t believe you’re actually coming out with us tonight. This is going to be so much fun!” Charlotte said.
“I haven’t been out in years. I don’t think I even know what fun is anymore. What are we going to do exactly?”
“Well it’s going to be pretty chill.” Charlotte said. “We’re going to have dinner at Lolita’s and then head down to Senor Cactus. I think Sean might be having people over after too.”
“Oh that’s sounds cool. I’m probably going head back home around 10 though. We’re taking Cameron to the zoo tomorrow.”
“Cameron is so tall now! I think he’s getting a lot more confidence. I remember him being so shy.”
“Yeah, he was a little shy when he was younger, but I think he actually likes being around adults a lot. It always surprises me.”
“I think I was the opposite when I was a kid.” Charlotte said. “I was super outgoing around all my friends, but as soon as was around any adult I’d freeze up and not know what to say. Like they were a different species or something. What were you like as a kid, Victoria”
“Hmm as a kid? I can’t really remember my childhood that much to be honest. I think I was something of a free spirit. I remember preferring to play sports with the boys.”
“Wow. I can totally see you as a tomboy. Hey, Do you want a white claw?” Charlotte asked.
“Yeah, sure. You aren’t driving are you?” Victoria asked.
“No no. Sean is coming to pick us up remember. He should be here soon.”
“Sean.. You know he’s actually grown on me lately. At first I found him kind of weird, but he’s actually really funny. He doesn’t say all that much, but when he does its just hilarious.”
“Yeah, Sean is great. It’s funny he’s probably my closest friend at work. But, you wouldn’t expect it at all because we’re so different and everything.”
“He does seem to like you a lot. You’re his little work crush.” Victoria said.
Charlotte blushed. “Nah, we’re just friends. I think he’s seeing someone anyways.”
“Hey I think I’m going to change into something else. I really feel weird in this outfit.”
“Okay. I don’t think it matters though. You’ll look amazing regardless.”
Victoria looked in the mirror as she changed into a more comfortable and conservative dress. She smiled to herself thinking about charlotte in the living room. She was almost 8 years younger than her, but definitely the person she was most comfortable with at the diner. When Charlotte had said Sean was her closest work friend, it had hurt her for a second before quickly passing. She didn’t realize that she valued her friendship with Charlotte so much that just a small mention of another friend could cause her to feel jealous. She thought she was past that age. But it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t as if they were actual friends. Tonight was actually the first time they’d hung out outside of work. They probably would never see each other after they left at the diner, but regardless Victoria really admired her. Charlotte was the kind of person who radiated positive energy and would make everyone around her feel better about themselves. She never took herself too seriously and was always building people up. When you were with her you truly felt you weren’t being judged and could easily find yourself talking about deep personal things. Victoria had to stop herself at times from telling Charlotte too much. She knew Charlotte meant no harm by it, but she could have a loud mouth and at times would unknowingly say too much about others. It was never malicious and she also was very open about her personal life so it was hard to be mad with her.
“Oh my god. That dress! I think you were right, this outfit is definitely better.” Although seemingly a compliment, Victoria wanted to ask what was wrong with the other outfit but she knew she was just being self conscious.
“Oh hey I have some adderall for you. You mentioned you wanted to try it for your exams.”
“Yeah, maybe. I’ve never actually done it. Do you think it’ll really make a difference?”
“Yeah for sure. Especially if it’s your first time. When you take it you should be alone in quiet place like a café or library and make sure to bring enough water, because it can really dehydrate you. But it’s gonna feel amazing. I guarantee you’ll be studying for like 15 hours.”
“Wow 15 hours? I really need a long study day, too.”
“Yeah, I never would have been able to finish my degree, had I not gotten a prescription last summer. It totally changed my life. You remember me before. I was a wreck! And now I’ve been applying for jobs every day. Hopefully I get into some advertising firm next month.”
“I know you’ll do great. With or without the Adderall.” Victoria tried to recount what Charlotte was like before her prescription but she couldn’t notice a difference. Maybe Charlotte was more confident than before. But not too noticeably.
“Here, I’m gonna put this 20mg pill on your bedside table. It’ll be more than enough.”
“Ooo What’s that bougee bag you have there?”
“Damn the bag! I’ve tried knocking like 5 times the past couple of days, but no one seems to be home.”
“Who’s not home?”
“Oh my neighbor to the right. I don’t think he’s home all that often. But the other day some man left it here for me to give to him.”
“Really? That’s weird.”
“Yeah maybe. It didn’t really seem that weird at the time, you know. He seemed like just a regular guy.”
“What do you think is in it?” Charlotte asked as she shook it around. “It’s kind of lumpy.”
“He said it was just clothes.”
“that’s definitely not clothes, Victoria. What if this is some drug deal and you’re in the middle of it.”
“What, You really think?”
“Haha nah, I’m just curious. Want to see what’s inside?”
“I don’t know, Charlotte. I’d rather not, it seems a little invasive.”
“Come on please!!”
Victoria was surprised how Charlotte’s tone had changed she really seemed adamant about opening the bag as if some force had taken ahold of her.
“I don’t know. To be honest I think I’ll just try knocking right now to see if he’s home.”
“Ok fine. You win. But if he’s not there we are totally sneaking a peak.”
Victoria left with the bag and knocked once more on her neighbor’s door. No answer. She looked through the blinds but it seemed dark and empty inside. A white figure was curled up on the couch. Most likely a dog. Funny she hadn’t noticed any pets before.
“Not there is he?”
Victoria shook her head.
“Here since you’re too pure and innocent, I’m just gonna see what’s inside and then close it back up."
“Alright, sure. just don’t mess with anything.” Victoria said as she went into the bathroom. Charlotte opened the bag, pushed aside Johnny’s coat and found the money. She lost her breath for a second. It was more physical money than she’d ever seen at one time.
