Asking another family to let me stay with them seemed insane. More so than living on my own as a soon-to-be teenager. I see now how much this had to do with my fear of rejection. If I were to go live on my own than nobody could reject me. I would simply just be alone out there, wherever that was. But asking another person if they would open their home to me meant they could say no. 

I was less concerned with my experience as object of rejection, more worried about the awkwardness that would linger between me and the rejector. I went through my list of friends in my head, the list changing each time I cycled through, considering each relationship. 

This was probably one of the first times when I analyzed a situation intensely not only as as a child but through really considering the perspective of an grownup. I was pretty sure that most of my closest friends would agree to the request. Kids are willing to do things adults consider crazy quite easily. But even my childish brain could tell that a yes from the kid wouldn't mean yes from the home. 

After considering the parents' view the list became a single item. There was only one friend I was willing to ask.