A dream of a wedding

I get the feeling I had a great dream last night, but I can't remember the details. It's just as well because you wouldn't want to hear about it anyway. Have you ever had someone try to describe a dream to you? It's the world's most boring thing. They get to re-live some sort of movie-like experience, and none of it means anything to you. They might even try to make it more interesting by saying, "Oh, and YOU were in the dream." So what? I don't care about the dream you had last night or any night.

It's like going to a friend's house and you thought you were going to have tea and crumpets and play pinochle, and instead, they pull out their wedding video. They might as well pull out the movie Judge Dredd starring Sylvester Stallone. Here's a life tip: Assume people do not want to watch your wedding video. Even if they were at the wedding! People are nice and they will endure the torture, but they do not want to watch your wedding video.

This rule also applies to your vacation pictures, your daughter's recital, your son's football game, your pet sleeping. The only exception I'll allow is for a homemade sex tape, but I insist on knowing exactly who is on that tape before I make my decision.

And if someone tells you they had a dream about a wedding, it's time to head for the hills!

This is the latest episode of The Brandonian Doctrine.