51329: The Page that Shouldn't Exist

as reply to 51329

I left the page open displaying the 51329 error and walked down the stairs to the front door. I unlocked it and opened it a crack. Two men in black suits stood there and one immediately put their hand on the open door. He flipped open a badge, held it up in front of my face, and said something about the united states department of internal something-or-other. He said something else but my mind was already swimming. Then, “We’re here in regard to a violation of code 51329.” 51329? That sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I still hadn’t said a word. I just stared at suit guy number one with the badge with what could have only been a scrunched face of confusion.

Then it hit me. 51329 was the number of the mysterious, nonexistent HTTP error still displaying in the web browser on my computer upstairs.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied. Badly. Suit guy number one gave me a stern look, then suit guy number two stepped forward.

“Look, we know you know what we’re talking about. We just want to ask you a few questions and then we’ll be out of your hair.”

Instincts took over and walked through the door towards the men, who both took a step back. I closed the door behind me. Don’t disturb the family, I thought. See if I can talk my way out of this situation and get these guys to leave, I thought, with no idea or plan as to what that looked like.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” I repeated. “What is this code 51329?”

Suit guy number one took out a notebook, flipped it open, and began reading. “It’s a code for creating and displaying a webpage with content that does not exist.”

I began to sweat. I tried to play it cool. “Um, ok? Is that a problem? Also, isn’t that supposed to be a 404?”

“51329 is for when the content does not exist in this dimension,” suit guy number two said. Suit guy number one shot him a look.

“We’re going to have to ask you to come with us,” suit guy number one said, starting to reach for my arm. I instinctively stepped back. “Look, we don’t want to hurt you. We just need to ask you some questions.”

“You can keep asking them right here, or I’m going to call the police.”

“That won’t do you any good, sir.”

“And my lawyer.”

They looked at each other and exchanged an annoyingly knowing look.

“I’m sorry, but you’re coming with us,” said suit guy number one as he reached for me again. I stepped back and instinctively turned to run back into the house. I got about two steps before I was grabbed from behind in a headlock. I tried to struggle, but suit guy number two was a lot stronger than me. I turned my head and saw suit guy number one dart into the house. He emerged just as I was losing consciousness with my laptop under his arm.
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