"You always complain about the weather. Stop that, what is your problem?" said Leah, on a heavy tone, her voice shaking. "It is just weather! and it's winter, it's cold, it gets dark early, it rains, it snows, put on a fucking sweather do something about it ! Stop complaining ! You always complain about somehting ! I'm tired of you ! I hate you !" She turned around, and went to the window, sobbing bitterly, while breathing heavily, the anger was real... she couldn't control herself now. Mark, seated at the kitchen table contined to look at her, his face expressing desperation and resentment. He wanted to say something but it felt like his lips were sewn. Leah's words stuck into his chest like shrapnel from a hand grenade.
For a moment he had an impulse to get up and hug her, and tell her, it will be okay. Calm down, sorry but sorry for what. Was it his fault ? to say "it's cold outside?" He then remembered it was the 8'th of February and it was the first day of her period.
"I will go for a walk, need to take some fresh air, call me if anything, I love you" He said while grabbing his jacket from the hangers and walking out the door.
He took a left, towards the canal while putting on his EarPods and scrolling trough his feel-good playlist on Apple Music. He picks a a 30 minute track, "Transcendental guided meditation" and carries on walking. It was his last resort, his go to rescue pill whenever he felt frustrated or sad or tired or hurt. He didn't want to walk alone with his feelings, he wanted this heavy mood to go away. He felt like the metal shards were still deeply sank into his chest, his breath was short and he felt dizzy. He knew negativity is bad, and so he forced himself think of positive things, but behind every positive thing he could think of, something negative would swallow it like a lava river that burns up everything in its way. It was useless, everything was useless, and most of it himself. He felt like a disposable nothing without a real use in this world. Why all the struggle he asked himself? What for? It was not the first time he would doubt of everything and knew it wasn't doing him any good. So he cranked up the volume by 30%, turned on noise cancelling and made a conscious effort to follow the guided meditation exercise. A sweet female voice was whispering in his year "And now, take a deep inhale and hold it for a moment... and now, exhale steady and continuously... let all your problems out, all your worrries, all your suffering. You are not your problemss... you are bliss. You are happiness.. you are alive, and inhaleee take the life force in, which is boundless love, and peace, and happiness and now, Exhale all your trouble let it all out... You are beautiful." !!!!DING / DING / DING!!!! a torrent of messages from Layla.
"Coward !"
"You are are a piece of SHIT!!"
"I HATE YOU!!!"
He felt like replying but then put his phone back in his pocked and carried on.. He was crying inside, he felt ridiculous, trying to meditate. He put that off and placed the earPods back in his pocket. Just across the street he saw a flower shop, he rushed to cross the street but forgot to look both ways, and a truck hit him fully and threw him in full swing back on the sidewalk where, he fell flat on his back hitting the back of his head on the concrete. The only thing he could hear was a loud DINGGGGGGGGGGGGG and voices slowly fading around him. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak... and in the chaos created around him he saw the sky and the trees how beautiful they looked loaded with snow.
For a moment he had an impulse to get up and hug her, and tell her, it will be okay. Calm down, sorry but sorry for what. Was it his fault ? to say "it's cold outside?" He then remembered it was the 8'th of February and it was the first day of her period.
"I will go for a walk, need to take some fresh air, call me if anything, I love you" He said while grabbing his jacket from the hangers and walking out the door.
He took a left, towards the canal while putting on his EarPods and scrolling trough his feel-good playlist on Apple Music. He picks a a 30 minute track, "Transcendental guided meditation" and carries on walking. It was his last resort, his go to rescue pill whenever he felt frustrated or sad or tired or hurt. He didn't want to walk alone with his feelings, he wanted this heavy mood to go away. He felt like the metal shards were still deeply sank into his chest, his breath was short and he felt dizzy. He knew negativity is bad, and so he forced himself think of positive things, but behind every positive thing he could think of, something negative would swallow it like a lava river that burns up everything in its way. It was useless, everything was useless, and most of it himself. He felt like a disposable nothing without a real use in this world. Why all the struggle he asked himself? What for? It was not the first time he would doubt of everything and knew it wasn't doing him any good. So he cranked up the volume by 30%, turned on noise cancelling and made a conscious effort to follow the guided meditation exercise. A sweet female voice was whispering in his year "And now, take a deep inhale and hold it for a moment... and now, exhale steady and continuously... let all your problems out, all your worrries, all your suffering. You are not your problemss... you are bliss. You are happiness.. you are alive, and inhaleee take the life force in, which is boundless love, and peace, and happiness and now, Exhale all your trouble let it all out... You are beautiful." !!!!DING / DING / DING!!!! a torrent of messages from Layla.
"Coward !"
"You are are a piece of SHIT!!"
"I HATE YOU!!!"
He felt like replying but then put his phone back in his pocked and carried on.. He was crying inside, he felt ridiculous, trying to meditate. He put that off and placed the earPods back in his pocket. Just across the street he saw a flower shop, he rushed to cross the street but forgot to look both ways, and a truck hit him fully and threw him in full swing back on the sidewalk where, he fell flat on his back hitting the back of his head on the concrete. The only thing he could hear was a loud DINGGGGGGGGGGGGG and voices slowly fading around him. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak... and in the chaos created around him he saw the sky and the trees how beautiful they looked loaded with snow.
Thanks for the feedback, I was curios how that starting scene seemed as well.
in a lot of
The starting scene was pretty good because it was interesting. It felt real.
It's interesting that you said she was trying to vent while he was trying to cool down. Sometimes cooling down doesn't seem to work. No matter how good the meditation guide is.
Dostoyevsky is a master at revealing these subtle psychological energies that change the destinies of his characters. If you pay attention to Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment you will see him, and the daemons gravitating around him. From this perspective, the entire oeuvre reveals an entire metaphysical plot which is not immediately obvious. Hence the genius of Dostoyevsky!
Anyhow, I also wanted to show how the victim was in complete denial and was trying to cap his frustration by playing a meditation tape.. He represents a typology... the modern man up to date with the latest gadgets, with a life looking perfect from the outside but fake.