The co-worker, again. Doug's curiosity got the best of his integrity and he picked up.
"Charlie! Long time, what's up, man?" He tried not to sound annoyed.
A woman's voice answered, hesitating. "It's not Charles, I'm his mother..."
"Oh..." Doug's heart sank.
"I'm sorry about insisting like this, it's..." the soft, tremulous voice trailed off and Doug's heart sank even deeper into his belly.
"Is...is everything alright?" He knew it wasn't, he felt stupid asking. At the other end of the line he heard a sigh.
"He, Charles is...no longer with us...he took his own life." The words came out painfully. From the diaphragm and through a broken heart. Doug swallowed. It was so dry he almost choked. He cleared his throat. He had to say something. Why was she calling him? But not that.
"I'm very sorry. Very, very sorry to hear...and, and for your loss. He was a great friend. To me...." He trailed off having, in fact, finished his unfinished sentence.
"Thank you. Yes, yes that's what he said. He mentioned you often. This is why I'm calling certain close friends of his. We...we hope for some closure."
"No, yeah, he was, he was, you know, uh, we worked together and, I...I just can't believe it. I mean we hadn't spoken in a long time but he's one of the last people I'd expect...I'm sorry, it's hard for me to get the words out right now, it's really shocking....I can only imagine..." Doug again trailed off.
"I understand, Doug, and I should apologize for burdening you with the news like this, but, well, if you have any idea about why he might have done it...It's, it's just that he left no note." She held back a sob.
"Oh, no, I'm sorry." What a stupid thing to say I'm sorry for, he thought. He closed his eyes and shook his head in annoyance. He'd sat down and noticed his knee was bouncing again. He forgave himself this time. He felt he should say something comforting, "He always spoke so highly of you, Mrs. Laskin." He'd almost forgotten the last name but Charlie's work email address had popped into his mind right on time. "I remember him telling me that he hoped he could also take his kids hiking and canoeing on weekends, like you did with him. He'd say stuff like that, you know, like about your family...this is why I can't...you know." He hated this. But the poor woman had just lost her son. He felt for her more than anything. Friends? Sure they were that, at work. But evidently not the kind to keep in touch. And now how could he bring himself to ask, or act surprised about how, according to his mother, Charlie had mentioned him often. Godot, whose name was not actually Godot, would enjoy this, Doug thought. In a morbid kind of way he understood and knew that he would tell him all about it when he called.
Mrs. Laskin sniffled at the other end of the line. "Oh, Charles."
"I'm so very sorry Mrs. Laskin, but I really can't imagine what he'd been thinking. He was such a...a happy guy." Now he was curious to know what happened, how it happened. Should he ask. Could he ask?
"Can I ask what happened? I mean, for sure it was suicide?" Mrs. Laskin sighed deeply. Or took a deep breath, Doug couldn't tell.
"Well," she exhaled and then spoke very quickly, just like Doug had when he asked the question, "He jumped from his apartment window. He just jumped. There'd been nobody else with him, the police said."
Charles, closed his eyes and cursed inwardly. He felt a deep and sudden pang of regret. Of sorrow. This was the epitome of waste. If he dwelt on it a little longer he'd cry, but then he thought of Putin. So stupid, he thought, so, so stupid. Fuckin reddit and their Putin window jokes. He took a deep breath, just as she had.
"Oh. That's terrible. I...I wish I could say something to help you make sense of it. I just don't know...what."
"That's fine Doug, it's okay. And, really, I'm sorry about calling like this..." On her end, Mrs. Laskin shook her head and placed a hand over her eyes.
"Oh no, don't apologize, Mrs. Laskin. And please if you can send me the, uhm, the funeral details...and if there's anything you think I can do...to help, you know." Like what? He had to say it, he felt. People said these things. And as sorry as he was about the whole mess he was also glad that the call was finally coming to an end. Then the other line came in, beeping.
"We are going to keep this number, for a while. If, if any of his friends call...you know."
"Yeah..." The other line beeped again. But Doug didn't look.
"Charlie! Long time, what's up, man?" He tried not to sound annoyed.
A woman's voice answered, hesitating. "It's not Charles, I'm his mother..."
"Oh..." Doug's heart sank.
"I'm sorry about insisting like this, it's..." the soft, tremulous voice trailed off and Doug's heart sank even deeper into his belly.
"Is...is everything alright?" He knew it wasn't, he felt stupid asking. At the other end of the line he heard a sigh.
"He, Charles is...no longer with us...he took his own life." The words came out painfully. From the diaphragm and through a broken heart. Doug swallowed. It was so dry he almost choked. He cleared his throat. He had to say something. Why was she calling him? But not that.
"I'm very sorry. Very, very sorry to hear...and, and for your loss. He was a great friend. To me...." He trailed off having, in fact, finished his unfinished sentence.
"Thank you. Yes, yes that's what he said. He mentioned you often. This is why I'm calling certain close friends of his. We...we hope for some closure."
"No, yeah, he was, he was, you know, uh, we worked together and, I...I just can't believe it. I mean we hadn't spoken in a long time but he's one of the last people I'd expect...I'm sorry, it's hard for me to get the words out right now, it's really shocking....I can only imagine..." Doug again trailed off.
"I understand, Doug, and I should apologize for burdening you with the news like this, but, well, if you have any idea about why he might have done it...It's, it's just that he left no note." She held back a sob.
"Oh, no, I'm sorry." What a stupid thing to say I'm sorry for, he thought. He closed his eyes and shook his head in annoyance. He'd sat down and noticed his knee was bouncing again. He forgave himself this time. He felt he should say something comforting, "He always spoke so highly of you, Mrs. Laskin." He'd almost forgotten the last name but Charlie's work email address had popped into his mind right on time. "I remember him telling me that he hoped he could also take his kids hiking and canoeing on weekends, like you did with him. He'd say stuff like that, you know, like about your family...this is why I can't...you know." He hated this. But the poor woman had just lost her son. He felt for her more than anything. Friends? Sure they were that, at work. But evidently not the kind to keep in touch. And now how could he bring himself to ask, or act surprised about how, according to his mother, Charlie had mentioned him often. Godot, whose name was not actually Godot, would enjoy this, Doug thought. In a morbid kind of way he understood and knew that he would tell him all about it when he called.
Mrs. Laskin sniffled at the other end of the line. "Oh, Charles."
"I'm so very sorry Mrs. Laskin, but I really can't imagine what he'd been thinking. He was such a...a happy guy." Now he was curious to know what happened, how it happened. Should he ask. Could he ask?
"Can I ask what happened? I mean, for sure it was suicide?" Mrs. Laskin sighed deeply. Or took a deep breath, Doug couldn't tell.
"Well," she exhaled and then spoke very quickly, just like Doug had when he asked the question, "He jumped from his apartment window. He just jumped. There'd been nobody else with him, the police said."
Charles, closed his eyes and cursed inwardly. He felt a deep and sudden pang of regret. Of sorrow. This was the epitome of waste. If he dwelt on it a little longer he'd cry, but then he thought of Putin. So stupid, he thought, so, so stupid. Fuckin reddit and their Putin window jokes. He took a deep breath, just as she had.
"Oh. That's terrible. I...I wish I could say something to help you make sense of it. I just don't know...what."
"That's fine Doug, it's okay. And, really, I'm sorry about calling like this..." On her end, Mrs. Laskin shook her head and placed a hand over her eyes.
"Oh no, don't apologize, Mrs. Laskin. And please if you can send me the, uhm, the funeral details...and if there's anything you think I can do...to help, you know." Like what? He had to say it, he felt. People said these things. And as sorry as he was about the whole mess he was also glad that the call was finally coming to an end. Then the other line came in, beeping.
"We are going to keep this number, for a while. If, if any of his friends call...you know."
"Yeah..." The other line beeped again. But Doug didn't look.
