In a lot of cultures - including Ethiopian - divorce is still a taboo of sorts... especially among the religious parts of the country. I didn't really understand these things when I was younger.
Once I reached college, I discovered that out of a group of 11 of my friends, only 3 of us had parents who were married without any child from outside the marriage: that we knew of. That is when I realized that having married parents like I did wasn't the norm but the exception. The interesting part was that a majority of the people lived like it was the norm by keeping any fights, incidents or things like children or affairs outside the marriage a buried secret. Most times, families discover the existence of the other family when there is a death and there is an inheritance issue.
Speaking to another Ethiopian about this, he explained that in most marriages of cultures like Ethiopia, there is a lot of shame associated with divorce - particularly on the women. To this day, most women are advised to tolerate things that happen and keep the marriage than proceed towards divorce. In many cases, the couple decides to stay together until the kids grow up. But there are a lot of things that children of unhappy relationships witness even if nothing is said.
So I have been thinking about the virtues of divorce over unhealthy and unhappy relationships - both for the couples and the family around them. I am listening to Ester Perel and she is amazing on this topic.
Once I reached college, I discovered that out of a group of 11 of my friends, only 3 of us had parents who were married without any child from outside the marriage: that we knew of. That is when I realized that having married parents like I did wasn't the norm but the exception. The interesting part was that a majority of the people lived like it was the norm by keeping any fights, incidents or things like children or affairs outside the marriage a buried secret. Most times, families discover the existence of the other family when there is a death and there is an inheritance issue.
Speaking to another Ethiopian about this, he explained that in most marriages of cultures like Ethiopia, there is a lot of shame associated with divorce - particularly on the women. To this day, most women are advised to tolerate things that happen and keep the marriage than proceed towards divorce. In many cases, the couple decides to stay together until the kids grow up. But there are a lot of things that children of unhappy relationships witness even if nothing is said.
So I have been thinking about the virtues of divorce over unhealthy and unhappy relationships - both for the couples and the family around them. I am listening to Ester Perel and she is amazing on this topic.
