The first script was that we went to college. It was what you did, unless you had convictions otherwise, or were a fuck up. I followed that script.

The second script was rebellion against the first. Not enough to actually break from the script, but enough to detract any possible benefit from the first script. I mean what if I hadn't taken myself so seriously and given the first script a fair shake. What if I actually wasn't too self conscious to try hard on it, give it my all. What could've happened there?

I see what could've happeneds everyday. They're people lapping me. On this jog called life. It used to irk me a lot. Made me feel like it was time to sprint now. But don't let anyone fool you, especially not yourself, life is not a sprint. Can't be.

The only sprinters are dead people, when we retrospectively pick apart moments of their lives... weekends or special months and remember them as that than what they really were. Highlight reel. You get it. You know.

So I'm jogging now. But then what? Well keep jogging. Main thing is, no pressure to sprint. 

There is one thing though. This feeling like I'm not leaning into the current script as much as I could. As in, am I still scared to give it my all? To look like a fool going for what I want? A bit. But not as much as before. And even if I'm not leaning in headfirst, I can see that I'm not. And I can see the room for improvement. 

Next lap around, I'll lean deeper.