ATM stories

When I was in college, there was an ATM in the student union building near the food court.

Aside 1: Notice I avoided the typical phrase "ATM machine" because its redundancy drives me crazy.

This ATM was affiliated with Huntington Bank, and it's the only ATM I've ever known that dispensed money in $1 increments. You could withdraw $19 and get that exact amount. Any ATM I have encountered since then dispenses only $20s or $50s. 

Unless you withdraw money from a bank ATM through which you have an account, you will likely pay a processing fee. I prefer bank ATMs because of their high security, but my account is with online-only Ally Bank. After you select the amount you want to withdraw, the language on the screen reads: "This financial institution charges a $3.00 fee for withdrawals, do you wish to proceed?" Well, yes I want to proceed, but without that fee. Where's the button for that? It doesn't matter to me anyway because Ally Bank will automatically credit up to $10 per month in ATM fees.

Aside 2: The highest ATM fee I was ever assessed was at a strip club--$8. Ouch, but at that point you're out of cash, lit up, horned up, and are you going to say no and avoid stocking up on greasy ones?

Last month when I traveled to Florida, I decided to use the Bank of America ATM conveniently located next to the TSA Checkpoint (again, high security). The options provided on the withdrawal screen were the following defaults: $20, $40, $60, $80, Other Amount.

Aside 3: I'm reminded of when I was younger and out partying. I only pulled out $20 or $40 back then, and I always said no receipt because I didn't want the buzzkill of seeing how little was in my bank account. I don't remember when the rules changed, but sometimes the withdrawal was declined, also known as "The Ultimate Buzzkill." Other times, the bank would allow you to go into the negative, and you'd get hit with an overdraft charge. 11 PM on a Friday or Saturday night and who cares. Deal with that later. Gotta keep the party going.

Some might say I live in a "high-cotton" neighborhood. When I use the bank ATM on the corner near my house, the default options are $300, $400, Other Amount.

Aside 4: A dating technique advocated by radio show host Tom Leykis involves going to a "high-cotton" neighborhood (Scottsdale or Paradise Valley for me) and finding bank ATMs that are just inside the front doors. Usually, there is a wastebasket near the ATM. You forage in the wastebasket looking for ATM receipts that show high balances. When you are out clubbing, you keep these receipts in your pocket all crumpled up. When you meet a girl and give her your number, you pull out what appears to be a scrap piece of paper and write your number on the back of the ATM receipt. According to Tom, you have a high likelihood of getting a callback.

A good measure of where you are financially is the amount you could withdraw from an ATM with no negative financial consequences. Of course, you can pull from your checking or savings account.

Aside 5: When I was a trainer living in an apartment, my boss was trying to convince me to buy a house. He said, "When you buy a house, your whole financial situation changes. Whatever you do, you must pay your mortgage on time every month. In fact, when my bank balance dips below $2,000, I piss my pants." I was living paycheck-to-paycheck at the time paying off debts and not making much money, and my response was "If my bank account ever got above $2,000, I'd piss my pants."
but why do you need cash ? aside from decorating strippers panties with them, and buying drugs. Here in Eu we can pay with CC everywhere, Netherlands for example, went a step further and now you can't even get a bus ticket if you don't have a CC. Moreover, cash is dirrty yuck
2022-01-18 19:51:43
When I travel, I use cash primarily for tips. Otherwise, I use a credit card. 
2022-01-18 20:08:12
and I always said no receipt because I didn't want the buzzkill of seeing how little was in my bank account.

lmao this one's hilarious.

I liked this post for how it reminds me of the good ole ATMs and the roles they played in my life. While out partying, before going out to buy drugs. Ah the good ole days.
2022-01-19 13:49:58