Choosing someone who doesn’t have the field of vision that you have can cause you to derail your own train. It’s obviously contextual, because growing up with somebody and evolving together is different than when you’re on your own path or worse, when you’ve had opportunities to grow through bad choices you made earlier and wanting very mightily to avoid finding yourself saddled with a bevy of life choices that someone else gets to make you and you don’t either get a say in them or worse, you have to go along with it because they’re all bad and there’s no real way out.
This is why I've recently come to side with the idea that:
When we try to hurt others we hurt ourselves.
But when we try to 'help' others is when we annihilate ourselves.
The kind of truthful honest helping of another happens not out of benevlonce but when we are helping ourselves and it just so happens to radiate onto others.
No expectations.
No breath holding.
Just being and doing as we see right.