There are some things that i used to enjoy but i no longer do now. It could be because i grew up, or because my mind changed somehow. Alcohol; a glass of champagne, or wine is fine. Past that, my mind becomes faulty. I say things i shouldn't, I talk too much, I'm over-empathetic, and i continue to drink. That's the issue. In the past 3-4 months I have reduced considerably my consumption of intoxicants. My mind is no longer tolerating 2-3 beers, that's way above the threshold. Same with weed. I've gotta be way more careful, more calculated in the way i choose to indulge these substances.

I'm also exploring the possibility of giving it up entirely. For a while, as an experiment. 2-3 months. I know it's not entirely convenient because Summer time and all but fuck that. My experiment is more important and whoever wants to socialize with me can do so while sipping a carrot juice too.

I also have the impression that many things are on my mind, things that are really hard to contain and control. The days after i drink there's a tendency to fall back on older patterns of thought that i no longer want to entertain. In this case it's critical to keep my mind state above the obscure waters of my mind.