He returned to the apartment while it was still somewhat dark. Morning was just around the corner. The
birdsong
s scattered the noise into the air, and anxiety into him. An excitement. He wasn't even replaying the sensual scenes back in his mind. Instead he was replaying an idea of himself in his head on repeat. He was in love again. Someone lusted over him. And this in fact made him feel attractive.
These thoughts he kept looping over. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep, although if he could, he would. Try and get even just two hours in before the
sun
came out in full. But he knew he would just lay there thinking about how Jasmine liked him.
When he entered the his unit he called for Todd. It was only after saying "here boy" that it dawned on him. Todd was still missing. He stayed with this thought for just a moment before losing himself to the feeling of being consumed by love. A grin cast on his face as he looked out the window and thought about how he was wanted.
In the bathroom he washed himself and then brushed his teeth. He put on clean
boxer-briefs
and clean cotton t-shirt. For pants, he on the same old pair of jeans he had already been wearing. The light was already a dark blue. He rarely got to see these mornings anymore. It reminded him of previous years when he used to wake up so early. This was back in high school, when somedays in the winter it would be pitch black as he made his way to the school.
Thinking back to who he was then, it was remarkable just how unlike that PT, today's version was. Although the former gave structure to the latter, they were effectively two different people. The emotions that had driven the high school PT were understandable in retrospect, but he no longer felt the same feelings. It was as if he were watching a character on TV going through some extremely stressful drama. You could understand why they were feeling that way, but you couldn't share the experience.
He wondered how he would feel about this day ten years from now. He assumed that he would feel the same way he did about the high school version of himself today. No more enthralled by the fact of what happened in the night.
This suddenly interrupted his current elation. For just a moment. And then he was back to feeling on top of the world. He went into the kitchen and started to make a
coffee
. He was dead tired, but he knew there was no sleeping right now. Maybe he'd take a nap later. After going to the
post office
.
Jasmine would be going with him. He had no idea how to confront the PO Man but he was sure that with Jasmine by his side they would figure something out. He remembered that dark smile of the PO Man, that one night. He smiled like someone in a toothpaste commercial, but he had the
teeth
of someone who had been homeless for a long time.
This also disturbed his emotions for just a bit. Until he was back to thinking about Jasmine. And her wanting him. He laid down on the couch. To just rest his eyes. He was so tired. But he knew he wouldn't fall asleep.
---
Knock. Knock!
His eyes opened slowly.
"Get up!"
It was a ... there was a fire.
"You need to get out of here now!" one man told him.
"Are there any animals in here?" the other asked.
PT tried saying yes but he slurred his speech.
"Sir, do you have any pets in here?"
"Yes. A dog. A small one."
"Okay! Get him out of here."
The fireman allowed PT to hang onto his shoulder as they walked out. As soon as the sun hit his eyes he could see how smokey it was. He finally came to.
There was a fire. He didn't know why he told the fireman that Todd was in there. Todd was somewhere else. But it was too late now. He was looking for Todd inside his apartment.
In the parking lot was a crowd of residents standing and watching. Larry was there. He came limping over.
"Boy, I'm glad you made it out. I was getting worried when I saw your car here but not you."
"Yeah." PT said. "Yeah, it's good to see you safe."
PT also saw the lady who had dropped the duffel bag off at his house. His neighbor. She was clinging onto her purse, holding it like there ought to be a kid there or something.
There were a lot of other residents standing there watching up in total attention. He had barely talked to any of them, but in that moment they seemed so real. He could feel their emotions.
In the end only eight units were damaged by the fire to the point that they were no longer livable. PT's was one of them, and his stovetop was declared the culprit.
PT asked Zach if he could stay at his place for a while until he figured things out. There was hardly anything he could bring with him. The firemen had escorted him out in a hurry while in a dazed state.
When Zach asked about Todd, PT immediately responded that they couldn't save him. Zach made a face of genuine concern. "That's so horrible."
PT told Jasmine what had happened.
"Yeah I already heard! Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Do you still want to go to the Post office today?"
"What are you kidding me? Don't you want to just chill after what just happened?"
"No. I want to go to the Post Office."
"... okay if that's what you really want to do."
"Where are you staying?" she asked.
He told her his situation. He half hoped that she might offer her place for him to stay, but she didn't make such an offer. They talked about what else they were doing that day. PT said he was having lunch with Zach. And so the two decided to go to the post office after lunch.
