I went into 2020 with high hopes. 2019 was filled with promise and I probably had unrealistic expectations of the next year but I was excited nonetheless.
At first, I downplayed the virus to myself. It's going to stay in China. To it's going to stay in Asia. It'll be just like swine flu. Until March came and it was impossible to continue to deny it. And then it was rough. Difficult to accept the unexpected gap between reality and my expectations. I knew my expectations were unlikely to be filled but I didn't expect them to be burned.
But slowly I accepted the new reality and found ways to cope. There's still so much I miss and wish I was able to do but it's become the source for dark humour instead of regret.
Somehow, despite all this, I go into 2021 with some expectations. Not as lofty but maybe defiant of the reality. The truth is things won't be back to normal soon. Maybe normal-ish in the 2nd half if we're lucky. But I can't continue on pause till that time.
So in 2021 I'll have my expectations and try my best to make them a reality. But this time I'm prepared. For anything.
At first, I downplayed the virus to myself. It's going to stay in China. To it's going to stay in Asia. It'll be just like swine flu. Until March came and it was impossible to continue to deny it. And then it was rough. Difficult to accept the unexpected gap between reality and my expectations. I knew my expectations were unlikely to be filled but I didn't expect them to be burned.
But slowly I accepted the new reality and found ways to cope. There's still so much I miss and wish I was able to do but it's become the source for dark humour instead of regret.
Somehow, despite all this, I go into 2021 with some expectations. Not as lofty but maybe defiant of the reality. The truth is things won't be back to normal soon. Maybe normal-ish in the 2nd half if we're lucky. But I can't continue on pause till that time.
So in 2021 I'll have my expectations and try my best to make them a reality. But this time I'm prepared. For anything.
However for me, I think the first half of 2020 was a wash. But then there was a second wind in the third quarter. During this second wind, I didn't feel it. I still was living in dead mode just waiting for time to pass enough to be the next year. But by the time the fourth quarter hit was when I was able to look back and be like... ahh no things are moving. Maybe not for the world, but for me.
What helped me most was tuning out the world and trying to listen really deeply into the Abe inside.