Learning

A problem with working in tech -- even as, now, a leader and not as much a doer -- is the constant requirement to learn new stuff. (This is even more pronounced now that I work in the field of tech education, for reasons that should be self-evident, but also for other reasons--this is a new field for me and there is a lot of deep domain knowledge in our organization that I feel I need to catch up with.) This need/requirement stands at odds with a desire for craftsmanship. I enjoy learning something thoroughly, going deep, having a sense of mastery. 

There is also the need/requirement to ship. Shipping requires learning new things quickly, and often incompletely, in order to Actually Get Shit Done™. This isn't only the domain of tech, but it does feel more pronounced in tech. Every year there is a new language, every month a new framework, every week a new tool that either promises to assist one's efforts to ship or worse is absolutely required by the same.

There is a part of me that just wants to learn one thing as thoroughly as I possibly could. It wouldn't matter what that thing was to be. But I literally cannot. I cannot spend the time required. If I did, I would not be providing the value I must to the organization that compensates me for that value; I wouldn't create value in the organizations where I am part-owner; I wouldn't be of use to my family, my children, my legacy; I wouldn't be able to sleep and would rather quickly become useless anyway.

Compound all of this with my general curiosity regarding all the things. I find it difficult to say no. I find it difficult to not follow the rabbit hole from New Yorker article to Wikipedia to these three books on the subject that I'll either add to my reading list or even buy, but never read. It's a cloud of unknowing but instead of the philosophical type it's a literal type, just a cloud of all the things I could know but don't know, hanging over my head day and night.

I'm the Joe Btfsplk of learning.
Your desire for 
craftsmanship
... going deep on something is juxtaposed to the more philisophical-flaneur type in the end example of 
New Yorker
to 
Wikipedia
to books hopping.

Somedays I just spend intellectually flanuering. Somedays I just grind on work and GET SHIT DONE. And somedays I am in craftsperson mode.

It's weird, but anytime i feel like i can't do either of the above I feel existential dread. Reading this post I'm sure you can relate. 

But what's another weird thing is that I sometimes get tricked. Like sometimes when i'm sick of the grind I might feel compelled to believe that I only want to flanuer around or only want to be in a craftsmanship haven. But that's not true either.

It's difficult to figure out which balance is right. especially since often we're still paying off outstanding debts to obtaining further clarity. 
2021-09-16 21:05:08
> we're still paying off outstanding debts

This rang true, but then I wondered what your specific examples might be
2021-09-17 03:29:05
I can't say. unless you're willing to accept me writing it and hashing it and sending you that.

lol jk. We can talk about it next week. 
2021-09-17 20:53:40