But in fact he had grown up long ago. Even before dumping the bodies. But this whole situation with Danny Calruso and Blayne had made him realize just how irreversibly changed he had become.
it had actually begun long ago. It was Cindy. His first love. Not his first girlfriend but the first one that he could use the L word for.
love
.
and this love had broken him. When he first began falling for her he had thought the rest of his life was hogwash. The people were holding him back. And Cindy was the one who could see life so clearly.
But fast forward two years, he had nobody left in life anymore. Only Cindy. And she had turned on him. He didn't know what to believe. One day she would be nice to him. Praise him. The next everything in the world would be his fault.
In the old days he would turn to someone and he would get some sort of grounding. "sounds like she's gaslighting you bruv?"
But because she had isolated him from all his peers, he now only had her to ask for. "Are you gas lighting me?" he couldn't ask her that. Of course she wouldn't admit to it if that's what she was doing.
He looked out of the pier into the sea. Listened to the gulls. Took a deep breath. He had tried not thinking about her for the longest time. had finally succeeded actually. And now the thoughts were back. And the thoughts of her seemed trivial compared to what he felt when he thought about Danny.