I have written on this topic less than a month ago. Love and romance seem to be oscillating on my mind as I watch Netflix and think about listening and ego.

Today I heard Bill and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce after 27 years of marriage. For some reason, that made me feel sad. It turns out - getting married is not easy but it is not easier than staying married. It seems easier to make money than stay married.

I am even more puzzled when I see older people getting divorced. I would think that company and sharing the ups and lows are more significant as we age. I would think that being alone would get old before we get old. But what I noticing is that there are changes in our personality as we age that makes cohabitating harder.

1. We get more stubborn as we age. We get set in our ways. The older we get, the less we explore ideas and the more we gravitate within our echo chambers. So being open to change and new ideas isn't frequent.

2. Related to being stubborn, we have an ego. That means more of - my way or the highway. Based on the stats many people are opting for the highway. 

3. We lose the art of listening as we age. This is more of an observation of myself and people around me. I find that we are working hard to stay on topic and remember what is being said. That prohibits active listening. 

4. We have less patience as we age for nonsense that we would tolerate as kids. This one is big. The more we feel mortality creeping up, the less time we want to spend with people that could drain us of peace. This way of thinking isn't practiced a lot in conservative countries like Ethiopia. But increasingly, people are opting for loneliness over stress. There is a certain type of clarity that pain and lack of time brings out in us. So as dreadful as change could be, peace of mind wins. 

Well, I hope Bill and Melinda find their peace of mind. I would love to interview people who are divorced and get their insights. Especially if the divorce is later in life and isn't for something like money or cheating. I want to interview the complicated divorced couples. 
One of my clients just separated with her boyfriend. And the first thing I remarked was I wonder why people that age break up? Why not just stick with things

Anyways, that was short lived. I soon realized that that wasn't giving such people enough agency. I think we like to think that people are just okay with being stubborn and riding straight to the grave in their current outfit and personality. But though they may be stubborn in x,y,z ways, them deciding to break such longstanding relationships show that maybe they aren't stubborn in others.

I think people of all ages are extremely stubborn. It's just different things we become subborn about at different ages. 

I also think that romantic love can lead people astray. When you're young and in love you say things like I'll love you no matter what which is stupid and untrue. It's best to -- once past the 
stage -- to clearly articulate "I shall not stand to be with someone who is like X, Y, or Z".

This way then there will be no tightly closed lips and feelings that eventually lead to a break up later. You can just break up much earlier with no hard feelings... well maybe a little hard lol.

Plus I think if you're super rich it's just easier to divorce. Being poor or middleclass makes it easier to just stick together. In a way maybe that's a blessing for us normies. hehe.
2021-05-04 20:39:08
Yeah divorce is more complicated than I once used to believe. I would love to understand it more.
2021-05-05 03:28:34