My mother was telling us an interesting observation she had made.
When people get an F, they blame the teacher. Often what we hear it, he/she gave me an F - as though we don't deserve it.
But if it is an A, it's the opposite. It is - I got an A. We take all the credit. The teacher is not part of the equation here.
My mother was telling us about how a lot of us have the tendency to take the credit for the good things. But we look for something to blame in the bad outcomes. This is exactly what cognitive dissonance is about... especially about the blame part.
If it isn't our past, it is our luck. If it isn't our genes, it is fate. A few books I have been reading lately start with saying that taking responsibility for everything that happens, good or bad is a good start to make changes.
I remember a South African guy being interviewed on the impact theory show. He said something similar in that interview. He explained that he could potentially make a long list of things that were unfortunate in his life but the the part he thinks about it - so now what? Without discarding the circumstances that were against him, he focuses his energy on what he can do about it.
I prefer to think in those terms as well. The older I have become, the more I notice that people aren't interested in excuses. Even legitimate ones. If it isn't family or close friends, it is better to keep the hardships to one's self.... maybe just share it in a memoir someday after making it big.
When people get an F, they blame the teacher. Often what we hear it, he/she gave me an F - as though we don't deserve it.
But if it is an A, it's the opposite. It is - I got an A. We take all the credit. The teacher is not part of the equation here.
My mother was telling us about how a lot of us have the tendency to take the credit for the good things. But we look for something to blame in the bad outcomes. This is exactly what cognitive dissonance is about... especially about the blame part.
If it isn't our past, it is our luck. If it isn't our genes, it is fate. A few books I have been reading lately start with saying that taking responsibility for everything that happens, good or bad is a good start to make changes.
I remember a South African guy being interviewed on the impact theory show. He said something similar in that interview. He explained that he could potentially make a long list of things that were unfortunate in his life but the the part he thinks about it - so now what? Without discarding the circumstances that were against him, he focuses his energy on what he can do about it.
I prefer to think in those terms as well. The older I have become, the more I notice that people aren't interested in excuses. Even legitimate ones. If it isn't family or close friends, it is better to keep the hardships to one's self.... maybe just share it in a memoir someday after making it big.
No matter how poorly something went. No matter how unlucky you got on so many things.... you're now alive and here... you made it this far.... so stop trying to change the past and figure out 'what now' because the future even though it seems so hard to change is much easier to affect than the past.
I want to caveat that because one can change the past.