Someday I lived like feelings don't matter. 

Back in the day, t started off lying to myself. Then somewhere along the line I noticed my days passing with less influence from others' emotions: where in the past I would do something or agree to an obligation because I didn't want to hurt another's feelings, my actions and plans grew more rational. 

There was some fear at the fork in the road. I wondered, didn't I just tell myself a lie and then end up believing in it too much? Or was I believing in something that was actually truer than what I had going on before. It was the old me who was phony. Maybe feelings didn't matter so much.

But then again this can't be what I totally believe. Because I do actually think feelings matter. Just a very small subset of people. I no longer care so much about what every Jane, Joe, and Sally thinks or wants. And funny to admit, but I care least about what I think or feel. In fact, I care more about Jane, Joe, and Sally than I do myself. 

This is because I came to realize that my feelings didn't serve me much at all my entire life. i never knew what I actually wanted. Maybe I was immature like that. Who knows. But this is what I think now. This is how I live now. Some days I live like feelings don't matter. And it feels good.