One day he felt a sharp pain deep in his stomach. He bared it for three weeks until one humid afternoon while on the metro he collapsed. Two well built

paramedic

s had to strain themselves in unison to cart his well muscled body to the hospital where the doctor told him he had a giant

tapeworm

inside his intestine and asked, what the hell have you been eating, sir?

I don't know, he said, my

girlfriend

cooks me delicious meals everyday.

well stop eating that! immediately. whatever it is, it's feeding that thing.

Can it be removed? he asked.

It pains me to say this... but not anymore. IT would kill you to remove something that large by this point. Maybe if you had come in a week or two earlier, but I'm afraid now you'll have to live with it.

And so he lost weight every week. No matter how much he ate, all the protein powder he guzzled down, his small intestines just couldn't absorb much of it due to the tapeworm. And as the tapeworm grew larger from stealing his nutrition, the pain became worse and worse... though he got used to it. But thankfully he had thrown his girlfriend out of his flat. What a lovely woman that was, he thought... just as a sharp pain hit him again.