She waited eagerly. Everyday. Especially when walking under the summer sky on her walks, wondering what this winter would be like.
She secretly hoped that COVID would be worse this year. That it would be bad enough that her university would let her work from home again.
She wanted this in quiet. She didn't want anyone to know. Except for her boyfriend who lived four hours away by car.
Before the pandemic, when nobody expected there to ever be a pandemic, she had thought about breaking up the relationship. They were good together while still in the same college town, but now that he was moving onto his new job, why would they stay together. Sure she might visit him a few times, but each visit would reveal how apart they were drifting.
She'd already been through this rodeo. This time she wouldn't let it wreck her. She knew what was coming. Still she'd let it happen. There was no better option she could think of.
Then COVID happened. Her university allowed her to work from home. She tried it out, working from home, sitting on
Zoom
all day alongside her roommate who was doing the same thing. Suddenly she wanted for her boyfriend. To live beside him.
She drove over, and lived together. It wasn't quite an inspiring time, but she was content. It was comfortable. She thought maybe she could work like this forever.
Then, it happened. Things changed. Winter ended.
Trump
left office, and the vaccine was penetrating the arms of the majority. People started hanging out together indoors without masks. Life seemed to be returning to normal. She was glad for it. She was looking forward to going out with friends and chilling at restaurants. It was the small things that excited her.
But then her job called her back. Come the fall semester she would need to work on campus.
It had been two weeks since she'd moved back. Already she missed something she couldn't quite put her finger on. It wasn't just her boyfriend or their life together back over east. It was something else. Something that made her feel the beginning of devastation when she had just enough quiet time to reflect on it.
She took daily walks. No matter what, she had to hold herself to that. The walks weren't long. If she walked long enough she would be able to think about other stuff in more relaxing ways... not be so addicted to clickbait and the next big thing. Not having to consume yet another aesthetic on
Instagram
or yet another narrative on
Netflix
or yet another breaking news on
Twitter
. She could just think and be. It was relaxing. Until she reached a certain point where things became too clear.
She made sure to return home before this point. As she returned home though, there was always one thing that consumed her. The feeling of eagerly waiting for
COVID
to ravage the earth one more time... whatever the consequences of it may be.
"Hi you're back?"
"Yes!"
"Good walk?"
"Oh yeah!"
She went straight to her room and pulled up Instagram. She looked through some pictures.
Hmm, this is interesting. Brings to mind something I read once where the author was talking about 'the euphoria of disaster.' Although from what I remember it was mostly about people's inability to look away from accidents, it's a term that works just as well for expectations of this type.
I remember when
COVID
first hit the states feeling this euphoria. I almost felt like an upperteenager who confronted by
WW2
. I saw COVID as this thing that I could tackle as a servant.
Oh hell yeah, for anything crazy. I tend to look at all events, no matter how messed up as 'interesting'. Covid's been very interesting to say the least.
Lol i think it's safe for us to feel that way. But if there was ever an event that actually put US in danger then we'd think differently
like i remember you thinking about famine and people eating each other alive. the first thing you did after imagining it was slurping a nice brothey bowl of ramen.
it's weird. We're sick individuals that way. I always used to think other people were just as sick and just were better at pretending. But nowadays i think maybe we're just sadistic. Strange.
Are you kidding? We love the strange and sick and twisted. The more visceral the better, it's stimulation, baby! But yeah, not when you got tubes down your trachea and machines breathing for you. Or when you're sheltering from nuclear fallout. Although if you get through it, it will have been interesting.
That didn't last long lol.
like i remember you thinking about famine and people eating each other alive. the first thing you did after imagining it was slurping a nice brothey bowl of ramen.
it's weird. We're sick individuals that way. I always used to think other people were just as sick and just were better at pretending. But nowadays i think maybe we're just sadistic. Strange.