Learning about writing through responsibility

After a cold week it finally feels like summer or at least late spring in
. I'm already finding it harder to write about
teas on winter nights where dark falls too soon. Finding it easier to write about summer.

I grew up thinking that yard work wasn't something that I did. And an odd thing about my family is that we're poor at being open to trying things we cast off as 'not us'. I admire people who seem to maintain no boundaries in what they're open to. This doesn't mean they're frantically seeking foreign things here and there, but rather they are fully engaged into something when life confronts them with an ask. When it comes time to do something, they don't shy away, even if they haven't tried it before. Unlike myself they don't make up tales about how they're not someone who does X or Y or Z.

It's only recent that I've begun considering most things once assumed only-for-contractors as exciting lessons I could one day learn. I've visited my parents' for many years without pulling so much as even a single root off the ground. But on this current visit I decided to start small. I might not know how to build a deck or lay bricks but I can pull roots and dig out tree stumps. I think maybe I never saw myself as someone who would do any of these outdoors work because I never had anything small I could tackle. If you grow up with a parents who work outside they'll always have something suited for your skill level they can task you with. Without that I swung between two poles. Either fantasizing of being someone who could build their own house or telling myself I should just never touch the dirt at all.

I'm glad I've begun to give myself little tasks as though I'm both parent and child. Sometimes you have to do this when you don't have a mentor around. I guess all of my time studying how
and artists work is paying off. Not because I'm getting a lot done in any startup or art creating, but because I actually find myself able to apply the same principles that make a team or creator tick towards something
-- BTW
  hates that word lol.

I've spent many years lamenting that I couldn't write a novel. Countless moody walks, elated nights with other creatives, car rides just watching the scenery go by... whatever the setting and my feelings I always thought that my life would be perfect if I could be a writer. But I found the process so horrendously painful.

This week while talking with
I mentioned how it'd been awhile since writing was painful. He asked how long. And I said about three months. "Why that long?" "I don't know. Probably because I just started writing daily on here."

There's a lot more to it than just writing daily. But some series of things have finally clicked in my life where writing is now enjoyable every time, no matter how good or poor the output. It's funny that for me learning to appreciate chores like dishes, yard work, and cooking has taught me more about writing then any writing class or book about artists or podcast masterclass. Maybe this resonates with you? Maybe you realize that the thing you think want is a story you tell yourself to mask what you really want. 

Abe's Glog