all my writing is me writing. there can be no other 

Writing

 that i can do lol

I'm sure there are others. I say this being a huge 

Fyodor Dostoevsky

fan by the way. 

I just know that i'm not that well read so i know there are writers out there who do get to that depth.

and if not, then just live long enough. if you and i live long enough than i will be that writer since i'll still be writing by then when 

Writing

 is no longer cool lol.

Reading your comment makes me realize one characteristic about humans that allows writing to be so much fun. It's what you called this fatalistic sense of wanting what we want.

since we want what we want we use things like 

Writing

to try to see or at least get ourselves to open ourselves into seeing why it is so.

if we could just want what we wanted then we wouldn't need things like reflection and writing lol.

This is one thing i love about 

Writing

. it serves as such a great way to step away from 

software

or 

strategy

 problems.

Keni I love how your idea of listening ties into why 

Writing

can be such a great facilitator of good relationships. It is about listening and patience. 

Fun fact that I'll share with you here. Remember last year or even the year before I wanted to submit three stories for publishing, but never did? 

When I had made those goals back then I had no vision of the path towards the goal. I wasn't writing fiction daily and had no idea how I would get started. I just thought someday I would pump out three stories like that... but now that I've been in the game of practice long enough I know that's not how things work.

Now I have a clearer vision. still can't see the whole picture. Like I can't see how I will end up finishing the story, but I atleast am in the mode of doing everyday. Writing a little fiction everyday... and from doing it figuring out more and more what I need to know and discover to be able to write a story that I can submit.

In fact, each snippet I write becomes closer and closer to something that has legs... as in something that feels like I can just take and revise to finish. In the past all of my snippets felt like something that could never be a finished piece. Just practice snippets... sketches. but these days I sometimes write something and go -> hey this is just N-amount of revisions away from being an actual piece.

It's funny because back in the day when none of my snippets would feel like something revisable to completion, I still cherished everything desperately... like I clinged onto every little bit of ficiton that I wrote... hopping THIS is the one. i think this approach to writing was what made me less inclined to do it so often.

How can you show up to write everyday when today you might not be ready to write that good thing.... If you think like that you'll never show up enough times to actually get the chance to write that good thing. 

Anyways, part of my vision for how I might complete something that I am happy to submit for publishing is fellowship. having 

drewb

here makes me feel even more in the mode of writing fiction. When 

GabrielGreco

comes in and out I notice I can keep my nonfiction going strong -- thanks to you and 

therealbrandonwilson

and the others on here -- but fiction... hmmm harder.

I might be at the start of a marathon, but I feel like I'm actually in the race this time. From writing fiction with Drew and just having conversations with him on here -- through comments and gift messages lol -- I sense that I actually have on running shoes this time. Actually have stretched. Before I was thinking about winning the race... but was laying in bed, sleeping in past the start of the race.

I actually think that fellowship of writing fiction will lead us somewhere this time. The place probably where we wanted to be over ten years ago... but to get a chance at it even this time around I'm grateful. I don't feel resentful at all that it's happening over a decade later.

I only worry that Gabriel won't join us. I feel like if he did we'd even get only stronger. I know 

dealingwith

is probably too busy right now to do it. That's the sense, I get. And 

jack

 is not emotionally ready. But with Gabe I think it would be a shame for him to have to wait another five or ten years. Whoever knows for sure they get that many years to flip the switch? 

I made this error in so many different ways but one was misinterpreting.

I misinterpreted 

Haruki Murakami

characters as being aimless and in ennui when now after more critical readings of it I understand that actually his characters are not in ennui at all. They are busting their ass trying to make something or find something. 

However I mistook Murakami's world and characters and stable and aimless because the aesthetically that's what it felt to me. The long walks... the cooking... the long periods of not talking to someone....

In my 

Writing

I've been most burned when being unaware of my influences intentions and more focusing on their

aesthetics

  and getting lost in that sauce.

Just like how you described in your post here.

I tell people to write too, not just because they have interesting things to say but also because the things they say aren't too interesting and could use a bit more elaboration.

Lmao at this. I think the same way. I also think that people should write for two reasons. One I'll write as a separate post, but one is touched on by you here 

Nedzen

.

For a lot of people I don't think they develop their experience/ideas/thoughts enough for them to be able to share it with others through a comprehensible articulation.

There are many ways to reflect but I think writing allows for a path of reflection that is the most advancing/empowering... as in 

Writing

allows people to have the biggest/deepest/most-personal thoughts that I think would be impossible without the medium of placing ideas/thoughts/feelings into words.

Just like in programming, the modern technologies is only made possible due to abstracting away complexity. I think writing is the best way of abstracting away vaguery and trope-ness... to get to the real you.