McKayla had always wanted to move to  New York . This desire she kept at bay. Deep down she knew the city would break her. It was a place where everything was monetized. To have fun in the city and live a good life you needed money.

She didn't have money...

This airport felt drab. She remembered how she felt at the airport near Westcity felt. More exciting. Running away from the cafe and Imogen. All of her responsibilities.

When she had ample time before boarding time she thought about getting a book from the store. Instead she decided to get caught...

It was like the life of the cafe was drained out. They floated different ideas around for one week Sydney delivered coffee to peoples homes. But that didn't work. Whenever she'd drop the coffee off the people would ask her how she was, if she wanted to come in and...

There was a new cafe in another town far far away. If this other cafe had an online presence then Imogen Howe might've learned about it from all the time she was now spending online. However this other cafe didn't post on social media. They weren't on Instagram sharing photos...

Nobody had heard from McKayala after she had left for her vacation. Imogen texted a few times, got no reply. She didn't know if she should continue pinging or leaving her old friend alone.

McKayla was silent on social media as well. "Who disappears like that?" Imogen thought, " I hope...

The next day at the cafe they live streamed the whole day.

"Its about endurance now we gotta practice the whole day, keep up the appearance."

Sydney made a weird set up with three cameras. One pointing down toward the coffee, the other pointing toward the barista and the other pointing towards...

The first shot wasn't meant to be perfect. The goal was to get the ball rolling. "Don't even think about the view count," Sydney had said.

Imogen Howe kept repeating these words to herself. But she couldn't help imagining the world laughing at her. Or worse, nobody in the world...

Sydney went to  Imogen Howe with a plan. She was slumped over resting her head on her desk. She didn't even get up when Sydney opened the door. 

"What if we go live everyday?"

"What?"

"You know how you always saying millennials don't drink coffee anymore there just by go pro's and...

One of the other girls, the one who had suggested the vacation to McKayla, now felt guilty. She could tell how her boss  Imogen Howe felt about McKayla's departure. It was no surprise to anyone that McKayla was leaving in this way. No word about where she was going, and...

When McKayla told  Imogen Howe she needed time off for a vacation she never said how long. Imogen didn't ask the duration expecting McKayla to offer it herself. However no further details came. McKayla didn't even say the destination. These were all details that seemed basic to a vacation request....

McKayla probably would've never worked at The Sparrow if she hadn't looked up to  Imogen Howe . Now the admiration was gone, but in its place was friendship, without which McKayla would've probably already left. Where to? she didn't know. In some ways she preferred being able to blame this...

“Did you ever read those novels?” She asked McKayla.

“Which?”

“The Russian ones you know like The Idiot and stuff.”

“I uh, I tried I started it, couldn’t, there were so many characters. Names were tough.”

“Yeah I mean I guess.”

“I know I’m the idiot who couldn’t finish the idiot.”

She smiled at this. But...

The man reminded her of a time past. 19th century  Russia or at least her impression of that time and geography from the literature.

She loved reading Dostoevsky and Turgenev after high school. She would still email  Jeannie Hammond about the novels. And the two would talk about life and the...

“It was weird that he ordered that too.”

“What?” Imogen Howe   said.

“It was weird he ordered your drink. Like when he first came in he ordered your drink.”

Imogen looked around her, she couldn’t see it on the menu. 

“Maybe he saw it in a post. Or something like the Instagram.”

“That’s the...

He was back on road. Out west. Where the beers were smaller but the people were larger.

He had to order more beers than usual to feel a buzz. He wasn't used to ordering this many beers. When leaving the bar he'd feel uncomfortable. Worried that he'd be driving drunk. But...

Her face was planted into the table. She tried not to drool. Clanks on the floor told her that  Imogen Howe was approaching. By the tempo, she could tell Imogen was carrying a hot drink. It would probably be a  Ginger Dragon .

"I brought you your favorite."

It was slow enough...

So began driving without a destination. Out west. The only thing he could think was 'i've done this before. so many damn times.'

this time he didn't believe it would be different. He was driving out west again. Nothing new would happen.

Maybe he would stop by Denver's. But what would come...

It was weird to be fully himself again. It was weird to have his own emotions. He felt like he had seen things he shouldn’t. He just wanted to go home. He thought about McKayla he  didn’t understand if he even liked McKayla. 

That had been something else. He knew...

After entering the townhouse neighborhood his foot became lighter. Almost instictually he knew to slow down. Not because he was scared of being pulled over but because he was near now. She was close. She had stopped. She was even out of her car by this point.

Marc Love drove slow....

As soon as the  Subaru pulled out of the parking lot, a hyundai SUV pulls in.

Inside McKayla tells him. "thanks for driving me."

"No worries. I have not much going on today. I'll come by later. When you're open."

"Okay" she kisses him on the forehead and gets out.

After he's a lone....

There was a pressure building as she approached her destination. The pressure wasn't within her. But she could still feel it, almost as if her feelings went beyond just her own body.

She didn't notice this pressure until she was within a few hundred miles. But once she felt it she...

Imogen Howe   was closer now than she’s ever been to home. Marc knew this, McKayla had no idea. It was night time now, they were back at Marcs place, she had spent the night. Her clothes were laid over a chair in the corner. The moons light through the window...

McKayla's roommate would judge her for sleeping with one of her customers. Someone from out of town at that. How long had she even known him? Less than two weeks. Yet she felt like Marc Love had known her her whole life.

At the bar he ordered them her favorite  beer...

Marc woke up feeling almost like the  Blue Man . He felt something strange, something bad. It was nice with her all the west. But the closer she got the more intense her feelings did.

And he felt them all. 

Regret and shame. So many mistakes. She ran away instead of...

And before he was done with his fries and drink they came.

Boys in blue. Busted through his window and grabbed him. Yanked him onto the ground. Cuffed him and screamed. "STAY DOWN YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Baka was confused. First that it wasn't Chubbs and his squad that was taking...

Imogen Howe did it. She found BAKA, his car at least staying near some shitty pizza place. But what she saw didn’t make sense. 

He had driven all this way. With a purpose. Like a bird flying home for the winter. But he wasn’t from here. He was staying at...

Imogen Howe spat on the floor. 

"Fuck." She said. Loud she was pumping gas. The second day, and she had't seen or heard anything about this guy. 

Her mind was racing. There was 8 billion people on this planet, there's no way I can find this dude. No fucking way...

Marc had made a routine maybe just as  Imogen Howe 's was spiraling. He was getting used to the cafe. An extension of himself and his apartment it became. He would walk into town in the morning and stop then for a double espresso. Then when he'd walk back from...

She didn't say much more to him. But they exchanged glances. He knew how she felt. So he didn't pry. He knew also that she didn't know that he knew. But him knowing was enough.

One time she smiled at him. He smiled back. She opened her mouth to say something...

Her name was McKayla. She was somewhat like the girl out west. In fact these two had once been close.  Love sipped his cortado with cinnamon. The two of them maybe even lived together. He could feel them spending evenings together in their pajamas. Locked away from the world. Some...

Her plans to drive back home were thwarted. The car she followed went west. And it did not stop. Imogen Howe snarled into the setting sun asking herself, "is this fucker driving all the way to the ocean?"

She ran out of cigarettes and had to pee but couldn't. The car...

Imogen Howe was speeding in the opposite direction. She now had a scar on her face, and was wearing a wig. Life had changed her. Her wedding ring she lost somewhere out west. 

She had another impulse, to go east, back to where she came from. Back to her old...

"What happened?"  Imogen Howe said to Jade. 

"Like what the news said. He died, probably killed himself." Jade said. Flicking ash on the ground. 
She wanted to tell Imogen everything. She felt like she should know, that she would be safe, that Danny's not after others.

"He was always nice to...

She felt bad for Jade. Stuck in the reception room. Imogen Howe could tell it bugged her. Maybe it was some deal she had made with the owner. Crutches, old age, bad vision and hearing... probably preferred working in the daytime than night.

That was another strange thing about The Seaside...

The front doors of the Seaside Rest were heavy. Sometimes the wind blew hard as well. Any way one of the front desk workers. A woman with walking sticks couldn't open them herself, and to Imogen Howe it always felt like she was there needing to get out when she...

"I didn't know you smoked," the guy said.

She could've admitted that this was her first time. People either made a big deal about how they were smoking their first cigarette, or lied that they had smoked before.

She took the second path. Not saying it explicitly, but instead brushing it off.

She...

Yes, she thought.

Happened all the time. Especially behind the counter as a barista. So many customers came in eager with 'unique' ideas. And almost all of them would be uninteresting. In those cases she always felt like suzy described.

"I get it," Imogen said with a smiile.

It looked like the lady...

It was raining then at the  Seaside Rest , the weather had took a turn.  Imogen Howe had to tell a woman at the door that it sometimes does this.

"Everything will be right in the morning." she told her, and tried to light her cigarette.

The wind blew it the...

Imogen Howe didn't drive right away. She waited. She would have rather followed on foot, but it was hard to know how far they'd go or if they'd go anywhere interesting. 

People always liked to be sure. So she assumed first they would go to check somewhere, then they'd go...

Bala clicked his teeth. He was walking fast puffing his chest out. 

“ I don’t like that girl. Something off about her.”

He looked back like he was being watched.

“She doesn’t look nice.” BAKA said. 

“She’s nice.” Keith said. Dazed with seeing her again he almost told Baka he knew her. ...

Her hand still held the  gun but she felt a calm. her fingers were relaxed. Strange.

Her mind though was racing. What the hell did Keith mean.  Imogen Howe worried that she may never see him again. Who was that man. This Baka. That brute. She had never imagined Keith hanging...

"Keith?"

She didn't even say "is that you?". She knew right away. He could tell her voice right away.

"What are you doing here?" he asked?

"I had to come back. I'm..." she paused, "I'm actually not staying here. Staying down at the Ritz actually. But I like to drive here every other...

For the rest of his stay at The  Seaside Rest he never settled into a routine. Each day he did something new and different. This was a nice change from his regular life. A thousand miles east he did the same thing everyday. Wake up, eat a quick breakfast, drive...

Blake didn't check out, because  Imogen Howe gave him her phone number. 

It was the night of the attack his laptop was stolen, but she was worried about him. She cleaned up his head, and put on some anti-bacterial to prevent infection. Then she gave him her number. She said...

Danny Calruso, he'd heard that before or was familiar. Maybe just sounds like a mobster. 

He sat at the bar a little while longer, his whiskey now seeming more than he wanted. So he left the rest, almost a whole shot,  Imogen Howe would have laughed at him. Said something...

"What do you think that was about?" Blake was less curious about the two guys who had gotten into a scuffle. More interested in seeing how Imogen responded. To see what her relationship with the guy from the hotel was like.

"I don't know." her hand was closer to her purse...

To  Imogen Howe there was something sinister about love. Like if someone says they love her, they would have to show it. Over and over again, even when it was inconvenient.

One of her friends taught her this a long time ago.

She whispered "Ask us to drive us, and...

Steve hadn’t been from  Westcity but a smaller town. Just worked in Westcity, in some ways that was his big city. He remembered when he first got the job he was nervous.

The first class everyone was looking at him to give directions. The microphone wasn’t working and he had to...

His name was Steve. She didn't know that actually. When he said his name she just nodded like she remembered. Because she did remember him. Knew him only because of Alan's mom.

Sometimes when they had lunch plans, Imogen Howe would pick her up at the exercise studio. Imogen would see...

21 can you do something for me

BAKA NOT NICE was singing this line on repeat. He didn't know any of the other words. He just kept singing loud 

21 can you do something for me?

And then would go on to mumble the next lines. the right melody but the words...

It wasn't the voice. Her fear came from the words.

"Why you calling so much? Who is this?"

Whoever was on the other line wasn't concerned about concealing themselves. Didn't try to imitate Jack.

It didn't even feel like they thought they were in the wrong. Like they were aggravated that she was...

When Imogen Howe arrived back at the room she felt that something had changed. There was shift of some sort she thought. She looked around the room, it all looked usual. The sea breeze blowing into the window. The bed made like Jack had tried his hardest. But something was...

Jack used to love Drake, always listened to him. Since day one he used to tells his friends. While others didn't like rap, or others still liked other rappers Jack always like Drake.

On the pier there was a song he liked. 

"Why you gotta fight with me at cheesecake?" It...

One day the light came on unexpectedly.

A high pitch squaked out of the speakers and then disappeared just as quick as it came on.

There was a cough.

"Mm. We're going to open the door. Someone will come in. They will shut the door behind them."

Keith still had his eyes mostly closed.

"Do...

She kept disappearing. Longer and longer. One day she didn't return until Jack had gone to bed.

Going to bed alone was a strange feeling. He didn't mind spending the day alone. It was when it came time to wash up for bed, that an eerie feeling of loneliness struck him.

When...

Jack stayed in the room every morning. Liked to just lay there, waiting for  Imogen Howe to get bored enough and go away. He didn't care where. Just liked that feeling of being alone. Didn't have to pretend to anyone.

After he was alone he'd get ready take a shower, then...

It continues like this. But things slowly change over time.

After a few weeks of the  cortado s they start giving him beer in the evenings. And he knows it's evening because they're letting him go outside for a walk. He gets to see the sun and breathe fresh air.

The beer...

One thing Jack could do was wait. When  Imogen Howe left the room for her morning walk he didn't mind. He had all the time he needed. All the time in the world. And he used it to his full advantage. He'd check the pamphlets down in the lobby. Then...

Keith hadn't touched his phone in weeks. Before he woke up in this room he would listen to  Imogen Howe 's voice messages like a  podcast .

That's one of the things he missed most being stuck in here. He understood that they wouldn't let him have a phone, but couldn't...

Imogen Howe was clueless to all of this, and she still at any free moment would give Keith a call. 


At first she started leaving just texts. Then it grew into calls. But now it was full on voicemails.

Long messages, that she would walk Keith through her whole day, just...

When the robotic voice stopped speaking a warm voice came on. This second voice was too warm and cheery. It was obviously AI generated or pre-recorded.

Keith sat back down on the ground. He was used to sitting on the tiles now. They wouldn't be letting him go anytime soon. Actually...

To  Imogen Howe   the charade had grown tiring. Her British accent had faded and now she even tried to pronounce some words with hard a like aunt or pants. Jack hated this, it was something similar to having a friend call their parents on a sleep over. A betrayal. 

At...

Imogen Howe had slept for like 10 hours. So long that she didn't get to see the mountains turn to desert and then to the ocean. When she woke up she smelt salt water, and heart seagulls call as they flew around the sky, diving down into the water, and...

This is what the notebook of  Imogen Howe said.

I think it's strange. That what interests me most these days has nothing to do with anyone in my actual life. That the figure that pulls my strings most is a man named Keith. God I don't even know his last name....

"You've broken our trust Keith." A alien like voice spoke from no where in particular a bright light flashed down at Keith. He was tied to a metal chair sitting in a concrete room. Two electrodes were placed to his chest. He was sweating profusely.

"I haven't done anything. She's not...

There's a kind of tired where even coffee doesn't work.

This was one of Imogen's favorite times to drink a coffee. So long as she didn't need to do anything. In this case she didn't. Jack -- acting as Keith acting as an Englishman -- was driving and seemed to have...

"The Seaside rest, the place that knows you best."

"The Seaside rest, the place that you know best."

"The Seaside rest"

Jack sang in a British accent.

The add had already played like 10 times since they entered California.

The sun was at their backs, they would be there in no time.  Imogen Howe was...

So that's how it began. How Jack and  Imogen Howe began speaking with  English accents. And in fact... they even began calling Jack by a new name Kieth. Jack didn't know where the name came from. But he went with it. And he was happy because the two of them...

The heat and humidity had him drenched. By the time he arrived at Rust Bar , he no longer smelled like the cologne.

There goes the plan, Jack thought. He figured he'd tell Imogen the story anyway now that he didn't smell like he was trying to go on a date....

He had put cologne on. He had put cologne on and there wasn’t enough time. He just had to go, it was stronger than he remembered. And old routine that he buried away now resurfaced for this. Date. No Jack thought, but he let his mind entertain the idea.  Imogen...

After establishing a routine... Jack developed his routine further.

Now he spent most of his days between two activities. Staring out his window and walking around aimlessly.

The two activities were interluded with a session at the gym.

Jack could blend in for the most part so long as he wore a hoodie....

The next night she had a dream in that same world. In the dream world it wasn't the next day. But it was after the accident. Just after enough to be the next logical step. Everything that happened between the day of the accident and the second dream was just...

He held the piece of paper in his mouth. Letting his saliva soak through. That was his plan. Maybe  Imogen Howe would return now, and laugh at him. 

"I can't believe you thought I was serious! HAHAHA!" She'd say. 

But she never came back. 5 minutes went by and now...

The park wasn't anything special. A bowl of green with a stripe of grey cutting through. Where joggers and rollerbladers went by. There was a playground and a pavilion. It was enough for  Westcity . Jack liked it, but still felt out of place.

He was wearing sunglasses and a...

Jack was doing overhead barbell presses when the text came. He felt the vibration distinctly. His phone now muted almost every notification so when it did vibrate it was impossible to ignore.

Plus it meant that it was one person. He had even muted Aaron awhile ago. They still texted all...

Imogen Howe dreamed of delivering pizzas. She was in her old car, a hand me down she had in highschool. A  Ford   Windstar light blue. Had 7 seats, 8 if you tried really hard. 

She drove everywhere back then. Taking people after school, and before. She even had a paper...

She sent one more text. Then she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. Didn't want to get stuck in a long text message. Also with who would this long conversation be? Some stranger who made his own  toilet paper ? That would be absurd.

She didn't know if there would...

Kyle his friends called him. Technically his name was Cristopher, but he hadn't used that since he was younger. Much younger, liked before college. He'd tell people this, even though he didn't go to college. It was more like when everyone else was.

He went straight to work. He jumped...

Most things would arrive in two days. Crazy he thought, how the cafe needed constant influx of supplies. Otherwise the place couldn't run.

Kind of like his own body. He had to keep breathing. Oxygen. Every breath. Didn't matter how many breaths he had taken in his life before. If he...

"You just have to make sure this doesn't happen."

"I know, but the thing is there wasn't, I uh."

"There's no I know but, there is only I did not do the job I agreed to."

"I know, I uh, just didn't think I needed to order that every week."

"If it says it...

"Mmm okay. Order ready in 15 - 20 minutes"

"Thanks. I'll see you soon."

"Oh. By the way. How did you hear about us? If you don't mind saying."

"My neighbor. He orders Ming's every day."

"Thanks. We are trying to figure out where are customers are coming from. Anyways, thank you for your...

Usually Jack wouldn't respond. Or would respond, but only with short words. Aaron he liked, he didn't really need to talk. They played games together online sometimes. At one point he was playing on Aaron's poker tournament, but with Alan it wasn't like that. Always had to talk. Usually about...

The  PBR was iced cold. Served in a wide mouth glass screw top. Some sort of Jam jar. Jack liked that, maybe it was a way to save money at first but it worked now, made him feel like the beer had to be good cause it wasn’t fancy. 

There...

Jack felt especially lonely that night.

He hadn't talked to anyone he knew in four weeks. Almost a month now.

At first it was nice. A relief from his past life. Breathing room.

But now he longed to talk to somebody. Only he didn't want to talk to someone from his actual life....

Alan's mom was a simple woman. After 15 years in a loveless relationship, and raising Alan and making sure he had what he needed - school, meals, a warm home -- it was now her time.

Zumba. Movies. Whatever she wanted. So long as her joints would let her. It was...

Alan's mom was worried. She could tell things were off at the last visit. She was thinking about this. Flashes of  Imogen Howe were on her mind. There was something off she thought, no love. She couldn't feel anything. 

She was on a bike now. Zumba too hard for the...

Imogen Howe hated this store. Everything was expensive and the normal stuff was always out. She thought it was a ploy, but otherwise she'd have to drive across town and back and that would take more gas, and time she thought. 

She grabbed the good stuff, triple ply and scented...

He had a reasonable excuse he thought for why he skipped the last two orders.

The coins. They were pumping. so he took the money and invested it.

They hadn't tanked. But they didnt' go up either. Now down 20 percent he didnt' want to sell. Wanted to wait it out.

What would...

"What you mean you aint got no toilet paper? You guys sell coffee that shit makes you shit."

"I know I'm uh so sorry sir. I really am, but we are out. If you just wait a few minutes, like 10-15 at the most my manager will be here."

"Ain't no-one got...

Always something,  Imogen Howe thought. Life never gave her a smooth day.

She began to giggle. Finally realized what that saying meant. "Give me a break!"

She couldn't stop the giggling. Wished Keith was there to see her now. "I finally get it!" she would tell him. "What?" he would say with...

Imogen Howe left feeling good.  While she drove she smiled actually the fist time since Keith went missing. Alan still had no idea, although they didn’t really speak so what would he. 

She looked down at her hands on the wheel. She liked them without the ring. Habit kept her...

Inside the noise reverberated. Laughs. Screaming conversations. A guitar was playing. Derek sung a tune that sounded Irish.

Girls were in spaghetti straps; boys in shorts and tanktops or light, breathable cotton tees.

It was dark except for the glow of yellowish lamps. Everybody was either smiling or nodding with eyes half...

After the diner Calvin went for a drive. Thought about what  Imogen Howe had told him. A man named Keith has been missing for three days. He lives in California. She's not sure if that's where he was born or lived his whole life though. But he has been up...

A strange sound jolted him away. A door far away was opened and now he heard steps approach. Then stop. His heart was beating fast. If someone enters should he try to run, or attack. He was weak now. Very much so. 

Instead the footsteps just stayed there. Like they...

Imogen Howe   was worried. Keith hadn’t replied in a week, and his phone location just showed up as cannot find. Part of her wanted to go there, but she also didn’t know if this was him trying to tell her something. 

What if she was the cruel one? If she...

Jack was lost. It'd been months. He should've had his book out by now.

Instead he had run from California. Nobody online knew where he was.

He'd gone to Westcity . Big enough that he could blend in. small enough that he felt a part of something. And the real reason. It...

It was then  Imogen Howe knew she had fucked up. She powered on her phone, she was upstairs and her parents were just leaving the driveway. The messages from Keith had gotten worse and worse. Sloppier and darker, and now he wouldn't answer. 

She called four times. 

It was 1...

Keith hadn’t heard from her in a few days. He checked her location she was at home. With him. Or phone was just there he reminded himself she’s probably dead by now. 

She had told him that it would be slower now for the next few weeks family visiting and...

When they were together time passed to quickly for Keith. He has said an off comment in the lab about it. 

“Just like stare at the clock then, that always slows things down for me.” 

“What?” After  Imogen Howe left Keith was always in a daze. Someone replying jolted him...

Keith had always found his upbringing sad. Over the couple days he told it to Imogen Howe , he realized it wasn't sad at all. Had he read a similar upbringing in another man's biography he wouldn't pity the guy. Would find it relatable. Nothing to be ashamed of.

That's what...

Imogen Howe never left town after high school. She had one the "most likely to never return" for her class' mock awards. The award show had taken place in the gym. Dark with the spotlights on the stage. The song "I'm leaving, never to come back again" played as Imogen...

The street they drove on was well lit, reflections flashed across the car at a regular beat. The ocean was too their left. Keith had his window open resting his hand on the door. 

Imogen Howe 's was cracked and she quiet. Right when she landed she told Keith...

She checked the time. This flight was too short. She wished she was a few thousand miles east now. She wasn't ready.

Suddenly she felt that same fear . The same discomfort that haunted her in the darkness of that strange highway exit. Outside that strange house with the lights on...

The flight was going like it should Imogen Howe even slept a little despite Keith texting her "try not to sleep or you'll be up all night!"

She sat next to a women on the plane, at first they didn't speak only sharing a sign of relief when no one came...

It would be like, he looked at his watch, two hours until she got there. The sun was already setting, and it cast everything in orange. He was hopeful. Don't ask him why, just he had a feeling that all the bad shit in his life was over. He knew...

The  Seaside Rest was an old school motel. They washed dishes by hand. Made home cooked meals. Gave guests cloth napkins; these would be washed and given to the next guest.

There was no continuous menu. The motel made what they did based on whatever ingredients they had and you either...

The bulletproof was starting to bug him, as he walked back to the hotel. Normally he wouldn't care, but it just seemed like too much. 

The sounds of waves crashed onto the shore and then retreated back. He wanted to run and jump in. Let the water wash over him....

"The Sea Side Rest. The place that you know best."

"Its been abouuttt a month now." Keith said. 

"Shut up. No it has not." Imogen Replied.

They were at a  McDonalds he got the usual two McChickens and a coke. She just got a large fry and frosty. The one they were...

They somehow ended up leaving the  McDonalds at the same time. They hadn't said much to each other. Only the comments about that particular McDonalds being oddly good compared to the rest. So it wasn't like they were having a conversation as they left. They walked in silence. Threw away...

Senior year was a blur. Looking back at least. In the moment she felt like so many things were happening. Time felt incredibly long. Practices. Parties. Sleepovers. Exams. Games. Dances. Looking back as an adult all of those things kind of blurred into a simple image. the same vibration.

She had...

When she was 17 only one of them had a car at any given time. At the end of junior year it was Ashley. But she got in a wreck in the summer. Then they were car-less until Imogen got her's right before the school.

The first thing they did with...

She found it strange. To want to sleep by the ocean. She'd be unconscious for most of it. So why did it matter where she slept. Maybe there was an argument for how nice it felt leading up to finally drifting off.

Getting into her pajamas. Slipping into bed. Turning the...

Imogen Howe was exiting the zone. For five hours she had driven nonstop. The same ten songs playing on repeat. She had felt like a machine the entire time. There was nothing that was going to stop her. She passed by each car smoothly. Hit no potholes. Hardly touched the...

She was thinking about Chip from the gas station. He was an older man. Not death bed old, but old enough to be... well older than her dad. He had a walking stick. She didn't see him stand up and walk, but she could imagine him walking with a limp.

She...

She was at a  gas station called Chip's. Out in the middle of nowhere with nothing else around.

Imogen Howe was pleasantly surprised to fill her car up at gas station that didn't belong to a franchise. She couldn't remember the last time she used any station other than Marathon,...

There were cars now that could get over 40 miles per gallon. Not hybrids. Just pure gas burning cars. Full sized ones too. The world was changing so fast. It blew  Imogen Howe 's mind.

Back when she was a kid, 30 miles per gallon was considered a lot. And that...

A domino was pushed. Signals were sent. An irreversible chain was underway. All because  Imogen Howe took that exit off the highway.

She didn't know this yet though. The phone call that came was just like any phone call. In fact she missed it because she was asleep. Only saw it...

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

“Hmm.”

“Like it’s not just me right. She’s definitely like why would she be googling these things. This is like the stuff we report right? You know?”

“Hmm.”


“I’m not like making it up right I just never though we’d have to call on someone. I mean I...

The  blue Roof Hotel. Was a subsidiary of the Blue group, which was Blue Inc, but after the whole Spacecity fiasco had to rebrand. 

"Bigger bolder Blue" the CEO said at the time. 


The Blue Roof Hotel was nothing special. From the outside it looked cheap and dilapidated, but inside...

Because she coudln't find any info on  Spacecity , she wrote about it in her  notebook . Simple statements like "Spacecity... what is it. What do people do up there. Did people really live up in space for that long?"

That's what  Imogen Howe did when she couldn't find information to...

Alan could keep the cafe running while she was gone. He'd know how to run the place for at least a few weeks. So she didn't need to get back anytime soon.

But she would need to withdraw cash before alan locked the account. She didn't expect him to do that....

On the road  Imogen Howe only thought about necessities.  gas and  food the only things that would keep her going. It had been about ten hours she thought. Already going through her phones battery, for some reason she noticed it getting darker. It woke her up.  sleep the next thing...

"And also. If she was rescuing a puppy, wouldn't she answer my calls?"

"You got a point there."

Alan didn't say anything. Aaron could sense that his friend wanted him to volunteer to call Imogen again.

"Yeah but I can call her. I'll do it now. How about that?"

"Thanks, Aaron."

Aaron hung up and...

When the call came in her gut said don't answer it. She was overthinking though. Like always.

Answer it her mind said. It's your boyfriend. Girlfriend's don't ignore their boyfriend's call.

She was driving though. That could be an excuse. But she'd have to answer eventually. She couldn't drive forever. Not even...

Alan at home. Liked the quiet, liked her not knowing what he was doing. For some reason he felt in control then. He played music she didn't like. Sometimes even microwaved fish. He was now listening to jazz. Noisey horrible jazz. He didn't even like it. But he liked that...

"Imogen what happened to that cafe? It had so much promise. I remember. This was years ago. I visited. And now I hear you're working a regular job. What happened?"

"It was really. really hard to run a cafe."

"Mmm. I bet. But I thought you had a knack for it. The...

"Do I have to come to cafe? Can't you just pick it up here?" Alan said. 

A teetering pile a new plates and cups had been delivered to their house instead of the cafe.

"Its not like this is the first time this has happened  Imogen Howe ."

Silence on the other...

The sound of the round made him tired. Alan was drifting off a little. Aaron was up front and Jack was next to him.  Imogen Howe was driving. 

"Before we go home, I feel like we gotta see the water." 

"I know you said that but why?"

"But why? I've worked...

"But yeah, I uh should be going, I gotta hit the hay, then go to sleep." Sean said and he extinguished his cigarette by rubbing it into the ground.

Alan was so tired he just responded with "Yeah man. See you around." The sky was starting to get lighter now, it...

Alan knew hating Sean was childish. He'd played this scene before. Knew where it headed 99 out of 100 times, and still he couldn't escape his role.

Sad too. He liked Sean. Always had since they said hi while Alan moved in. They probably would be friends had they had something...

The house was big, rooms on every floor except the basement where the show was. 5 or so bands Sean knew. It wasn't his house, but as they walked there he told Imogen that he practically lived there. He was an organizer, an ENFP he said to her. Alan could...

"Yeah there was uh I don't remember this show, or maybe it was in Anthony Bourdain's autobigraphy, but there's this game we should play before we go."

"What is it? Cards against Humanity? Not interested."


"Do you have an egg?"

"Uhh, I think, but I think its pretty old too."

"Yes, so, uhh  gather...

He was surprised that the comment came from Imogen Howe . It was something Aaron would say. Or Jack after a few drinks. Were they rubbing off on her? He was overthinking things. His face reddened more, continuing to think that she knew what he was talking about.

But on her...

The sound of a tuning guitar brought back memories. College.

Ashley was still college aged actually. She had attended for only a year before dropping out. It had been a mess. A waste of twenty grand.

Afterwards she was too embarrassed to move back home. She worked at a cafe near campus:...

Ashley had been trying to reach her for awhile, calling her, leaving her voice mails. She'd been distant the past week, but now she was better.

In Chicago she was busy, living in a more communal place, taking the room of another friend in a big house cooperative. The house...

It had taken everything in him to get up. But he was suddenly able when Imogen Howe mentioned visiting coffee shops.

Until then he felt like death . Didn't care what the others did. Alan only wanted the time to pass. Time was the only thing that could cure a hangover...

Alan doesn't remember much of the night. He remembered at one point coming too, and both Jack and Aaron were carrying by the arm. Then he remembers seeing the girls. Then theres a bush and he was puking again.  Imogen Howe was getting mad at Aaron and Jack for letting...

Imogen Howe listened to Death Cab for Cutie while driving up highway 47.

It was an older album. Reminded her of high school.

During the day it felt more like she was in the middle of nowhere. But in the dark she could imagine and reminisce. She'd feel like she was in...

Alan felt trapped. He felt like he should stay here. Or maybe more he forgot to text  Imogen Howe it wasn't like they were dating but they had potential plans. He asked her if she was free later then she said yes, then now he never texted her. 

He was...

She fell asleep early. If she was being honest with herself she would've just gone to bed. The drink wasn't that good, and the show wasn't much better. Over the years she had gotten used to tiring herself out by watching things late into the night until she was too...

"Do you guys really think they'll have protein powder?" Jack asked.

"Dude the coffee shop for sure, like yeah totally." Aaron replied. 

It was now Alan realized Jack hadn't been living the same life he was, as he watched Jack walk up to the counter and ask for a protein shake,...

Alan wondered if anyone else in town was thinking of calling in. He wondered if they might spill the beans that Jack was in  town . Hiding.

The windshield wipers pushed the snow that had accumulated while he sat inside off. The wiper did this twice more before Alan hit the...

Alan's mom was happy, a little concerned, as Alan was paying rent in  Westcity , but it was nice to have him home. She thought about asking him the night before at dinner, but he was talking a lot, he was letting her into his life. So that was nice....

"Yeah. Why are you up so late?"

"Couldn't sleep."

Then before Alan could reply, "why haven't you been replying? You've been... weird."

Alan suddenly forgot about his lost friend. Only Imogen Howe mattered now. He tried hiding his emotions from Aaron. But Aaron was too bored with looking for Jack now that he...

Alan put his seat back. The sun roof was open, and the sky was dotted with stars and the moon. 

"Dude its a full moon crazy."

Jack reclined his seat and looked up too. 

"Its crazy all that. You know." 

Alan's eyes were shutting and he was fighting to keep them...

The weed was old. But it got them high.

It was too cold outside so after swinging on the set shivering for awhile they returned to the car and blasted the heater.

"Do you think we have a chance?" Alan asked.

"What do you mean? Like with Imogen?"

"No. I meant like we as...

Imogen Howe was there with another guy. Alan didn't see him or maybe saw them driving away, but by the time he'd got there it was just his friends. 

"Its probably her brother other something, don't worry."

"Yeah man he looked like a pussy anyway." Jack said. 

Alan still felt like...

That light always took too damn long. During the day you noticed less because there'd be traffic you'd wait on. But at night when nobody was around the waiting became unbearable. They needed to turn that intersection into a blinking yellow on one side and blinking red on the other...

When he got home he couldn't to any of the usual things he would do. He was jittery. When trying to look at a screen he felt like puking. The only thing he could do was close his eyes and sit there. Eventually he laid down. He didn't fall asleep...

Alan was now at his limit, but Aaron ordered more coffee, and the girls shook their heads yes.

Imogen Howe made some comment about how she drinks so much coffee at the cafe that it doesn't effect her. Jack didn't buy that, saying there is no way caffeine doesn't affect...

"Look who I found."

"Sup baby face, oh you a bit tired still. Haven't had your milk."

Aaron walked in putting a cup on the table. 

"Come on get ready we gotta meet them."

Alan checked his phone.

"Not for like another hour dude whats your deal?"

Aaron plopped down and started the TV. 

"Get...

When Alan awoke he could tell by the sound and air that he was alone. His mom was probably at her dance class. But Jack? He had no clue. Alan didn't think Jack would leave without saying goodbye. thus Alan could only assume that Jack went outside for a walk...

"I like him"  Imogen Howe yelled in Alan's ear. The music loud enough that you couldn't have normal conversations. 

"He's nice, brings out a different side of you"

Alan wanted to say something like "Yeah, but you should seem him when he's drunk." 

But he didn't just smiled and danced. Nodding...

Two tallboys of PBR . That was all he needed. The rest of his buzz would come from the party. Probably mixed drinks or something. Alan hadn't told him about the party but he had found out about it. Was looking through some old friends' social media while at the...

Alan was washed with anxiety. His face reddened and he felt like his heart beat was in his throat. 
He had two options, one was tell Aaron where he was, in some ways it was likely the only place to go. Or just not say a word, and pretend his...

In the parking lot they pulled up,  Imogen Howe had already changed the sign "Party today, open late.".

"Wow man it hasn't started yet?" Jack said.

"No, not yet, but Imogen needs help, its what I've been doing you know." 

"But I uh, my image man, you don't go to parties early."

"Man...

"I was thinking of making lasagna, you know your favorite. I know you have that dance thing tonight, so I'll make it earlier."

The words felt like a just a noise. 

All Alan could he was "Jack is here.".

He pulled the car into the lot of a tire shop. The guys...

Alan was listening to a podcast about relationships.

"In some ways if you stay in a bad relationship just for their like hapiness, your kind of killing yourself."

"Yeah, totally agree." The other podcaster responded.

Alan nodded he never thought of it that way. Not that he really had a relationship before, he...

"So what's up with you, fucker?"

Alan smiled. This was his chance.

"I've been home for winter break. And you remember  Imogen Howe --"

"Man. Fucking. Always some fucking thing isn't it?! Sorry man. I gotta go. Someone's knocking at my door. Call me later and tell me what's been going on okay?...

Before the call Alan thought about what he was going to say. Okay yeah just listen, then like bring it up "you remember  Imogen Howe ? I think I am in love with her."

"Like nothing has happened but we hugged a few times, and it felt different like. You know...

He usually didn't have much to say in particular on any given day. The two texted each other more out of habit. Sort of like the digital version of cavemen grunting at each other with no communicative intent other than saying 'i am here. I see you over there.'

But on...

He was happier than he should be just driving to get cat food, then going to a coffee shop. He was imagining what he'd say to Imogen Howe . Maybe he would pretend he didn't know her when he walked in, or maybe he'd just say the usual. He wanted...

His dreams surrounded him. Like he was plunged into water. There was a sandy hill, and he was running there was some kind of dinosaur. Then all of a sudden there was nothing, like he'd fallen through the sand. Black surrounded him and then he was up a hot air...

That other girl went to  Westcity Community College the first year out of high school. The plan was to apply again during that first year and transfer to a university. The plan then quickly changed to transferring after two years. She could save more money that way.

Her  GPA was over...

She woke up that day from a nightmare. One that once she really got up she was fine, but during she remembered how bad she felt.

During that time of school everyone had a place to be, people would come in wearing shirts of the colleges they got into. While...

He read something last night. Maybe it was on  Instagram or  Twitter , where you don’t remember like the top writer or the top football player, but you remember a good teacher or a good coach. These people you read about don’t really matter it’s the people who are close...

He awoke later and later each morning. Soon he realized that he was waking up at 11. He needed to get out of here. HIs parents house. It stirred a laziness in him. Maybe moving back with his mom would be impossible. He began to understand why some of his...

In the car he took a drink of his coffee. Damn, he thought, that was good. Way better than  Westcity and cheaper, he checked his bank app 3.10 for that a scone, Jesus.

He drove back through familiar streets, he decided to take the long way. That was nice, he liked...

Aaron was doing well on paper. New York City. Chef. Self Made.

But because he texted him everyday he knew that his personal life was different.

"He's doing fine." he said. He could've said that he was doing good. But he didn't. Why?

"That's good." Imogen smiled. Did she hear him wrong? Good?...

That night, she stayed at the  cafe later than she should've. Had she left with the final employee two hours ago then she would probably already be showered and ready for bed. Comfy at home.

Instead she was now leaving into an empty parking lot to the sounds of the summer...

V. The first time around Imogen Howe didn't treat  college seriously. She blamed her  depression . This time it'd be different she said.

But she was still depressed. So she looked back again hoping for other reasons for her failure. With each recall she could't find anything unrelated to herself and...

She thought she might be able to be a  barista forever. So long as she owned the cafes one day. Making 12 bucks an hour plus tips was just not going to cut it for the rest of her life.

The people and their tips were nice. They meant well, but...

After the two guests leave the cafe she feels light. Rather than smiling faces and hungry attentions she is greeted by empty cups with beet stains and coffee stains at the bottom.

Imogen Howe doesn't enjoy having random people from her old life crawling into her current one. Which...

In front of the cafe they were greeted by Imogen Howe who was standing outside as if waiting for them old school style like people used to for someone at the train station before smartphones and gps .

Jake Raynor didn't know how to approach the greeting. He didn't actually...

One thing she hated about the suburbs was that you could never run into someone while standing outside.

Though you didn't get any privacy either. It was the worst of both worlds.

This night she pretended she was downtown smoking her  cigarette and someone might pass her and ask to bum one...

She showed up to town a day early.
This surprised me. I was used to her being fashionably late wherever she went.

Final Friday, some no name party at a no name  cafe out in the middle of nowhere. Why did she come out such a way for this?

She drove her  Subaru...

She liked the idea of a stranger in an Airbnb in town. It felt more exciting than a local just doing a staycation , which was a word she'd never heard before. At first she thought she might want to do a staycation, but then she couldn't ignore just how...

It was Tuesday when it began looking like it would rain forever. Maybe Jeannie wouldn't want to go to the beach this weekend after all. 

Imogen hoped for this. "I want to see you in a bikini" Jeannie said, joking, with a  Busch Light in hand. "You always wear one...

When you're 23, the most exciting thing on your mind should be the new features you are unveiling to users this Friday. The most exciting thing should be that trip to Boulder next month. The most exciting thing should be how one day the startup you've just joined will make...

I'm wondering who will come to the this month's Final Friday, as I walk back inside. It's a quiet day, even though there's a lot of customers. Most of them are regulars, the quiet type who stick to their laptops and books. Not a single conversation going on. No first...

After high school she sought to run her own cafe because of insecurities. She wasn't smart enough to go to a real university like  Jeannie Hammond . And out of all the jobs she could think of, running a  cafe seemed the most respectful.

That was a naive belief constructed by...

It was  Tuesday night. Pitch black where she sat inside an orange SUV, the engine cut on the unlit parking lot across from the gas station. Jeannie was inside, picking up a 24 pack of Miller Lite using her cousin's ID.

Two things were on Imogen's mind as she listened to...

Her invitation came out of the blue. A message over Facebook sparked a conversation. We talked nonstop until we agreed that she would visit me during winter break.

It was strange because we hadn't kept in touch until that message over Facebook. But once we began chatting it felt like...

He had signed off on the note. "Love you two. --Trevor"

Trevor's mom had been dead for years. And he had a shit relationship with his dad. So 'the two' in the note couldn't be his parents. It had to be two of us. But there was three of us, so...

She began her story slow... and then it went fast. I suddenly felt like I was sucked into her high school self. But her story reminded me so much of mine it felt uncanny. Like she was speaking for me. Telling my story.

-------------

Imogen and I became friends during that...

Lately I've been hearing a lot this quote from Sam Harris: you might have done something for the last time today. We go through our lives thinking we have endless horizons. That we will have yet another shot at everything. But this isn't true. Sometimes you tell a friend goodbye,...

It was from Imogen that he learned Jeannie Hammond would need his help that afternoon. The tone within the texts although far from scathing couldn't be considered warm. The neutral, room-temperature tone made him expect the worst. What had Jeannie done this time?

After the ritual of scrolling up and down...